Beyond Enemy lines
To squeeze the last drops of juice out of the "war" metaphor, let me say that I am trapped deep in the enemy territory of singlehood, waiting for a rescue. I can't say for sure that singlehood is entirely a hostile thing but I think I am bored of it. Anyways. I am now into the next stage of training of the perpetual learning process that Medicine is. I am back to working 90-100 hrs a week and I am enjoying it a lot. I am finally focussing on what I wanted to do and that is indeed a gratifying feeling. When I am at work, I am so preoccupied with things that I hardly have time to feel anything. The real problem starts when I get back home. Wouldn't it be nice if I were to come home, tired and flagged and there were a sweet little angel welcoming me back home with a smile that could send sunshine in the depths of the underworld?. Wouldn't it be nice if she were to put her arms around me and tell me that she was proud of me? And of course, wouldn't it be nice if she had rajma-chawal or chicken tikka masala all ready on the dinning table for us to enjoy a romantic dinner? Fool's paradise, you might say. But that is what keeps me going.
I know that my story is kind of stale and boring now. Heck, I am tired of thinking about it myself. But the problem is that there is this vacuum around me that I am sick and tired of. At times, there is this incredble urge that rises up inside of me to hold somebody's hand or to hug somebody. Especially, at times when I think of not so old times when I could actually do that.
I am trying to put this emotional fortress around me so that things and thoughts like these don't bother me. I know I will suceed coz there is just no other way around it.
Anyways, the quest for a wife goes on. My friends and family keep sending me pictures but I am not sure if I can ever fall in love with a picture. Time, distance and parental regulations make it difficult for me to actually know a person before I can say "yes". I really don't know how its all going to work. But I have faith in God and hopefully He will send my rescure soon.
I know that my story is kind of stale and boring now. Heck, I am tired of thinking about it myself. But the problem is that there is this vacuum around me that I am sick and tired of. At times, there is this incredble urge that rises up inside of me to hold somebody's hand or to hug somebody. Especially, at times when I think of not so old times when I could actually do that.
I am trying to put this emotional fortress around me so that things and thoughts like these don't bother me. I know I will suceed coz there is just no other way around it.
Anyways, the quest for a wife goes on. My friends and family keep sending me pictures but I am not sure if I can ever fall in love with a picture. Time, distance and parental regulations make it difficult for me to actually know a person before I can say "yes". I really don't know how its all going to work. But I have faith in God and hopefully He will send my rescure soon.
posted by harry singh at 4:23 PM
16 Comments:
Harry,
Following is the mail that I received from Sikhpoint.com on their starting a Matrimonial service where only Sikh looking for Sikhs are advertized.
Dear Sadh Sangat Ji
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh
NOTE: - THIS SERVICE IS MEANT FOR SIKHS LOOKING FOR SIKH MATCH ONLY.
"They are not said to be husband and wife, who merely sit together. Rather they alone are called husband and wife, who have one soul in two bodies." (Guru Amar Das, Ang. 788, SGGS)
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Please click the link below to Register now:
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We sincerely thank all of you for your continuous support and with your opinions and inputs, we are able to refine the content and appearance of Sikhpoint.com.
Harry,
it appears that you do not have much free time to meet women, and therefore you are stuck relying on parents relatives, and even GOD to "deliver" you your angel. It's good to write down you thoughts on paper to get them out. But then go back and analyze your feelings and realize that your thoughts and perceptions may not reflect the reality of the world you live in.
I diagnose you with an ajustment disorder and counseling should be your therapy. Counseling can come from your friends, family or others you trust or me Dr. Phil.
Oh Boy. The Blog really came to its end.... 64 to 4....
Harry!
Please dont be lonely and for gods sake dont get sad. A wife is not the only answer to lonliness. What about your friends, and your patients. You dont need a wife Harry, you need friends. Wifey will come when its time. Dont stress over it.
Dear Harry,
many have criticized you, others have dismissed you as misguided dreamer. I just want to tell you one thing.
I believe you can have your dream. If this dream is really what you want, then I believe you should pray for it. Pray for it with every fiber of your being, night and day. Do ardaas for God to give you what you are looking for. If it is His will, then your dream will come true, there is no doubt in my mind. Whatever happens, you will be in bliss, b/c you will have submitted yourself to the higher power. thank you,
Daraspreet
Harry,
I have read most of your blog and the comments that various people (well-meaning and not) have posted.
After reading I would like to say something. First, I admire you for being yourself, and being honest about your struggle. So I want to acknowledge you for that.
Now about the whole turban thing. Yes, I acknowledge that you've had challenges with Sikh women. I hear your disappointment and pain. I understand what you're going through.
After all is said and done, however, another persons opinion means absolutely nothing in terms of how you live your life. Unless you pay attention to it.
So what if all the Sikh women out there dismiss you as a potential spouse due to your turban? Do you really need every single one of them agreeing to marry you in order for you to be happy? After all, you just need ONE, right?
So my heartfelt advice to you is this: enough with the pity party. Life is not fair, you cannot sit around and wallow in some perceived injustice. It's time to get up and get moving again.
If a Sikh woman rejects you as a potential spouse (and yes, there will be plenty of rejection, no matter whether you're Sikh or non-Sikh), then just move along and keep going. You will find the right person if you're persistent and you keep a positive outlook.
The way I see it, you can only fail if you give up.
I'm looking forward to reading your "How I found a wife despite all odds" blog.
Good Luck and God Bless!
A friend.
First of all, coming from a Sikh woman married to a turbaned Sikh man - STOP complaining! I'm so sick of guys saying that no one will marry them because of their turban so they either (a)give up their identity or (b)marry a gori. You need to step out of your little buble - attend Sikh conferences, attend Sikh speed dating events, get yourself on a dating website, etc. There's so much you can do with your time instead of being lonely.
And I definitely have to agree with the first commenter who said it seemed like you were looking for a maid. I've read your blog a few times and noticed that every time. The number of Sikh women who are looking for sardars is limited, I'll give you that, but even more limited is the # of those women who want to cook and clean for their doctor husband.
I rarely cook and would never have married my husband if he expected me to have dinner on the table when he came home. A couple should cook for each other out of love and shoud share the responsibility - it's not the duty of the wife to prepare meals for her husband.
First, realize there are Sikh single women out there looking for sardars. Second, stop trying to look for a Sikh maid. Once you can master those two steps, you might actually find someone.
Good luck!
I just came across you blog and found it interesting. I do admit I did not read all of and just skimmed it. Being a female born and raised in Canada I found it great as it highlighted the difficulties of today's youth in finding a partner to be with given the influence of the western culture on our religion. Being raised in a religious family, our life and religion were one, we lived our religion day to day and when it comes time to marry someone, it is very difficult to find someone to share this with.
I have been married for one year now and I ended up marrying someone without a turban, who is religious but not as much as I would have hoped. It was a very difficult decision to make as I knew I wanted someone who wanted to live life the way I wanted to, which was as part of being a Sikh. However, I made the compromise as I also wanted someone who I could be able to live with day-to-day. Perhaps I made this compromise as I thought I might not be able to find anyone else, but a part of me still thinks and knows that at some point of my life, my husband who I love dearly will put on a turban. We are on a path together; it is my job to help him reach his highest destiny and his job to help me reach my highest destiny.
Where all of this really hits home is that I have an older sister who wants to marry someone with a turban. However all those who are still wearing turbans are either not educated enough and want a wife to cook and clean for them or else they believe in caste or else they want someone who has taken Amrit, which she has not or 10,000 other conditions. My sister has been trying to find a suitable match for the last 5 years and has not been able to. Granted, I’m not saying she’s looked very hard or made it her ‘job’ however it has been a challenge.
Finding a life partner, above all is someone you could grow old with. It doesn’t matter what your mother, father, sister, brother or friends say. It’s about you and your life, your destiny, your path. You need to find someone who will help you on your path and who you can help on her path. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but I also think that people have a pre-conceived notion of what marriage should be and it’s not that. Marriage is exactly what you want it to be and make it be. Where you help each other on this path of life.
Chin up – Your soul mate is out there.
I just came across you blog and found it interesting. I do admit I did not read all of and just skimmed it. Being a female born and raised in Canada I found it great as it highlighted the difficulties of today’s youth in finding a partner to be with given the influence of the western culture on our religion. Being raised in a religious family, our life and religion were one, we lived our religion day to day and when it comes time to marry someone, it is very difficult to find someone to share this with.
I have been married for one year now and I ended up marrying someone without a turban, who is religious but not as much as I would have hoped. It was a very difficult decision to make as I knew I wanted someone who wanted to live life the way I wanted to, which was as part of being a Sikh. However, I made the compromise as I also wanted someone who I could be able to live with day-to-day. Perhaps I made this compromise as I thought I might not be able to find anyone else, but a part of me still thinks and knows that at some point of my life, my husband who I love dearly will put on a turban. We are on a path together; it is my job to help him reach his highest destiny and his job to help me reach my highest destiny.
Where all of this really hits home is that I have an older sister who wants to marry someone with a turban. However all those who are still wearing turbans are either not educated enough and want a wife to cook and clean for them or else they believe in caste or else they want someone who has taken Amrit, which she has not or 10,000 other conditions. My sister has been trying to find a suitable match for the last 5 years and has not been able to. Granted, I’m not saying she’s looked very hard or made it her ‘job’ however it has been a challenge.
Finding a life partner, above is someone you could grow old with. It doesn’t matter what your mother, father, sister, brother or friends say. It’s about you and your life, your destiny, your path. You need to find someone who will help you on your path and who you can help on her path. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but I also think that people have a pre-conceived notion of what marriage should be and it’s not that. Marriage is exactly what you want it to be and make it be. Where you help each other on this path of life.
Chin up – Your soul mate is out there.
Chin up Anon above,
I am a turban wearing professionally educated handsome Sikh. I will help your sister clean and she will never cook because either we will eat out or we will hire a cook, nor will I ask her to take amrit. Will she marry me, now? Tell her, "Chin up – Your soul mate is out there"
Canadian anon.
To Chin Up Anon,
Your sister shouldn't marry Canadian anon above, she should marry me! I'm a turban wearing professionally educated Sikh (she can decide on the handsome part). I don't have any prerequisites of Amrit or caste or any of those kinds of conditions. What I do pay attention to is whether two people are right for each other. And that you can know after speaking to someone and getting to know them a little bit.
If she's at all curious, send me email!
USA Anon :)
please do check our blogs out :)
http://sikhproblems.blogspot.com
http://shiningsikhs.blogspot.com
oh god harry.......
your blog is become so repetitive.......
cheer up man....
you'll meet the one you have been destined to meet anytime......it could be tomorrow or it could take an year......are you going to wallow in self pity till then???
do yourself a favour man......enjoy your singlehood...you'll miss it wen it is gone.....trust me
and wenever u write about wanting to come home to warm arms and a warm dinner, do write about dreaming about doing a reciprocal act too........or you are gonna be labelled a MCP
cheer up honey
http://www.sikhmatrimonials.com/s/gursikhspeedmeeting
hello,
i jus read ur blog today.. i ve almost read the entire thing includin the comments.
some hve liked it. sme loathe it.
this is for the first time that i happend to read abt a sikh boys perspective..till date i thought its only us girls
who suffer from these dilemnas..
i mus say tht u articulate ur thoughts very well...
humorous,witty,lampoonic but it does strike a chord...plz continue writing no matter wat ne one says
hope babaji gives u wat u truly deserve, n m sure whn u get wat u really desire
u will truly cherish it (or her i mus say??)
as ppl who hve waited enough fr smthing know its worth..and ya by the way i m jus presuming
tht u r on a visit to india {wife hunting(no offence plz)}
as u hvenot updated ur blog fr quite smtime now..
good luck.. :-)
does it really matter tellin who m i :))..
ok .. i think i shld
a sardarni...who aint baised agnst turbaned sikhs
Ishq da dangya murr ke gutter da pani vi nahi mangda. Harry nu ishq ne aisa dangya hai ke uh blog he update kerna bhul gaya.
Wah, Harry , Wah !
(Poisoned by love, the lover dies before even he can ask for mere gutter's water to save him/her; so instantly works the poison of love).
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