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Sunday, July 23, 2006

Beyond Enemy lines

To squeeze the last drops of juice out of the "war" metaphor, let me say that I am trapped deep in the enemy territory of singlehood, waiting for a rescue. I can't say for sure that singlehood is entirely a hostile thing but I think I am bored of it. Anyways. I am now into the next stage of training of the perpetual learning process that Medicine is. I am back to working 90-100 hrs a week and I am enjoying it a lot. I am finally focussing on what I wanted to do and that is indeed a gratifying feeling. When I am at work, I am so preoccupied with things that I hardly have time to feel anything. The real problem starts when I get back home. Wouldn't it be nice if I were to come home, tired and flagged and there were a sweet little angel welcoming me back home with a smile that could send sunshine in the depths of the underworld?. Wouldn't it be nice if she were to put her arms around me and tell me that she was proud of me? And of course, wouldn't it be nice if she had rajma-chawal or chicken tikka masala all ready on the dinning table for us to enjoy a romantic dinner? Fool's paradise, you might say. But that is what keeps me going.

I know that my story is kind of stale and boring now. Heck, I am tired of thinking about it myself. But the problem is that there is this vacuum around me that I am sick and tired of. At times, there is this incredble urge that rises up inside of me to hold somebody's hand or to hug somebody. Especially, at times when I think of not so old times when I could actually do that.
I am trying to put this emotional fortress around me so that things and thoughts like these don't bother me. I know I will suceed coz there is just no other way around it.

Anyways, the quest for a wife goes on. My friends and family keep sending me pictures but I am not sure if I can ever fall in love with a picture. Time, distance and parental regulations make it difficult for me to actually know a person before I can say "yes". I really don't know how its all going to work. But I have faith in God and hopefully He will send my rescure soon.

20 Comments:

Blogger swamphen said...

Dear Harry

This must be the second time I read your blog, the first time gave me an impression that you are one desperate soul that needs to get laid badly.

Reading your latest entry gives me an impression that what you need is a domestic maid more than anything. She can make sure that there is good food waiting for you every evening when you return from work , and Im sure she'll even ask you 'how was your day?', etc.As for the overwhelming 'welcome back' gestures dogs are fantastic at that, they will wag their tails and lick your face all over till the cows come home!!!

I think loneliness has got the worst of you, you are beginning to miss the point.

I'll let you in on a little 'secret', love doesnt see colour, creed,turbaned/non-turbaned etc, it's the most blind thing on earth.
Unfortunately society has always 'decided' for us whom we should and should not love.
You fuss about women having criteria on the turbanned issue, I think you are imposing criterias as well in your head for the kind of woman you 'should' love, instead of letting yourself just fall in love. Of course we all want the best, ie the 'sound relationship' with someone acceptable to family, society etc to reduce the risk of creating havoc in the (extended) family. But by doing so you may lose the chance of being loved by a woman naturally.

Im sorry if Ive misjudged you as Ive not read all your entries, just a few.

7:07 PM, July 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harry,

Following is the mail that I received from Sikhpoint.com on their starting a Matrimonial service where only Sikh looking for Sikhs are advertized.

Dear Sadh Sangat Ji


Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh



NOTE: - THIS SERVICE IS MEANT FOR SIKHS LOOKING FOR SIKH MATCH ONLY.

"They are not said to be husband and wife, who merely sit together. Rather they alone are called husband and wife, who have one soul in two bodies." (Guru Amar Das, Ang. 788, SGGS)


Sikhpoint.com welcomes you to its new matrimonial section with some enhanced features, better functionality and pleasing look. Once you visit the section, you will be able to add your profile, make a search for your partner and contact other users without a middleman. There are various other features that you are going to like in this matrimonial service and all are for **Free**. The constant increase in number of registered profiles with Sikhpoint Matrimonial section will help you to find a suitable match for yourself.


Please click the link below to Register now:
http://www.sikhpoint.com/matrimonials/default.php


We sincerely thank all of you for your continuous support and with your opinions and inputs, we are able to refine the content and appearance of Sikhpoint.com.

7:11 AM, July 25, 2006  
Blogger Sifar said...

FYI

Sikhs featured on MSN.com

Spread the word.

Chardi Kala....

6:40 AM, July 26, 2006  
Anonymous Dr. Phil said...

Harry,

it appears that you do not have much free time to meet women, and therefore you are stuck relying on parents relatives, and even GOD to "deliver" you your angel. It's good to write down you thoughts on paper to get them out. But then go back and analyze your feelings and realize that your thoughts and perceptions may not reflect the reality of the world you live in.

I diagnose you with an ajustment disorder and counseling should be your therapy. Counseling can come from your friends, family or others you trust or me Dr. Phil.

6:30 PM, July 27, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Boy. The Blog really came to its end.... 64 to 4....

6:23 AM, August 04, 2006  
Anonymous Nanki said...

Harry!
Please dont be lonely and for gods sake dont get sad. A wife is not the only answer to lonliness. What about your friends, and your patients. You dont need a wife Harry, you need friends. Wifey will come when its time. Dont stress over it.

6:31 AM, August 04, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://sikhproblems.wordpress.com/ check it

6:11 PM, August 08, 2006  
Anonymous Daraspreet said...

Dear Harry,

many have criticized you, others have dismissed you as misguided dreamer. I just want to tell you one thing.

I believe you can have your dream. If this dream is really what you want, then I believe you should pray for it. Pray for it with every fiber of your being, night and day. Do ardaas for God to give you what you are looking for. If it is His will, then your dream will come true, there is no doubt in my mind. Whatever happens, you will be in bliss, b/c you will have submitted yourself to the higher power. thank you,

Daraspreet

7:00 PM, August 08, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harry,

I have read most of your blog and the comments that various people (well-meaning and not) have posted.

After reading I would like to say something. First, I admire you for being yourself, and being honest about your struggle. So I want to acknowledge you for that.

Now about the whole turban thing. Yes, I acknowledge that you've had challenges with Sikh women. I hear your disappointment and pain. I understand what you're going through.

After all is said and done, however, another persons opinion means absolutely nothing in terms of how you live your life. Unless you pay attention to it.

So what if all the Sikh women out there dismiss you as a potential spouse due to your turban? Do you really need every single one of them agreeing to marry you in order for you to be happy? After all, you just need ONE, right?

So my heartfelt advice to you is this: enough with the pity party. Life is not fair, you cannot sit around and wallow in some perceived injustice. It's time to get up and get moving again.

If a Sikh woman rejects you as a potential spouse (and yes, there will be plenty of rejection, no matter whether you're Sikh or non-Sikh), then just move along and keep going. You will find the right person if you're persistent and you keep a positive outlook.

The way I see it, you can only fail if you give up.

I'm looking forward to reading your "How I found a wife despite all odds" blog.

Good Luck and God Bless!
A friend.

11:30 PM, August 08, 2006  
Blogger sherni said...

First of all, coming from a Sikh woman married to a turbaned Sikh man - STOP complaining! I'm so sick of guys saying that no one will marry them because of their turban so they either (a)give up their identity or (b)marry a gori. You need to step out of your little buble - attend Sikh conferences, attend Sikh speed dating events, get yourself on a dating website, etc. There's so much you can do with your time instead of being lonely.

And I definitely have to agree with the first commenter who said it seemed like you were looking for a maid. I've read your blog a few times and noticed that every time. The number of Sikh women who are looking for sardars is limited, I'll give you that, but even more limited is the # of those women who want to cook and clean for their doctor husband.

I rarely cook and would never have married my husband if he expected me to have dinner on the table when he came home. A couple should cook for each other out of love and shoud share the responsibility - it's not the duty of the wife to prepare meals for her husband.

First, realize there are Sikh single women out there looking for sardars. Second, stop trying to look for a Sikh maid. Once you can master those two steps, you might actually find someone.

Good luck!

8:34 AM, August 10, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just came across you blog and found it interesting. I do admit I did not read all of and just skimmed it. Being a female born and raised in Canada I found it great as it highlighted the difficulties of today's youth in finding a partner to be with given the influence of the western culture on our religion. Being raised in a religious family, our life and religion were one, we lived our religion day to day and when it comes time to marry someone, it is very difficult to find someone to share this with.

I have been married for one year now and I ended up marrying someone without a turban, who is religious but not as much as I would have hoped. It was a very difficult decision to make as I knew I wanted someone who wanted to live life the way I wanted to, which was as part of being a Sikh. However, I made the compromise as I also wanted someone who I could be able to live with day-to-day. Perhaps I made this compromise as I thought I might not be able to find anyone else, but a part of me still thinks and knows that at some point of my life, my husband who I love dearly will put on a turban. We are on a path together; it is my job to help him reach his highest destiny and his job to help me reach my highest destiny.

Where all of this really hits home is that I have an older sister who wants to marry someone with a turban. However all those who are still wearing turbans are either not educated enough and want a wife to cook and clean for them or else they believe in caste or else they want someone who has taken Amrit, which she has not or 10,000 other conditions. My sister has been trying to find a suitable match for the last 5 years and has not been able to. Granted, I’m not saying she’s looked very hard or made it her ‘job’ however it has been a challenge.

Finding a life partner, above all is someone you could grow old with. It doesn’t matter what your mother, father, sister, brother or friends say. It’s about you and your life, your destiny, your path. You need to find someone who will help you on your path and who you can help on her path. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but I also think that people have a pre-conceived notion of what marriage should be and it’s not that. Marriage is exactly what you want it to be and make it be. Where you help each other on this path of life.

Chin up – Your soul mate is out there.

7:31 AM, August 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just came across you blog and found it interesting. I do admit I did not read all of and just skimmed it. Being a female born and raised in Canada I found it great as it highlighted the difficulties of today’s youth in finding a partner to be with given the influence of the western culture on our religion. Being raised in a religious family, our life and religion were one, we lived our religion day to day and when it comes time to marry someone, it is very difficult to find someone to share this with.

I have been married for one year now and I ended up marrying someone without a turban, who is religious but not as much as I would have hoped. It was a very difficult decision to make as I knew I wanted someone who wanted to live life the way I wanted to, which was as part of being a Sikh. However, I made the compromise as I also wanted someone who I could be able to live with day-to-day. Perhaps I made this compromise as I thought I might not be able to find anyone else, but a part of me still thinks and knows that at some point of my life, my husband who I love dearly will put on a turban. We are on a path together; it is my job to help him reach his highest destiny and his job to help me reach my highest destiny.

Where all of this really hits home is that I have an older sister who wants to marry someone with a turban. However all those who are still wearing turbans are either not educated enough and want a wife to cook and clean for them or else they believe in caste or else they want someone who has taken Amrit, which she has not or 10,000 other conditions. My sister has been trying to find a suitable match for the last 5 years and has not been able to. Granted, I’m not saying she’s looked very hard or made it her ‘job’ however it has been a challenge.

Finding a life partner, above is someone you could grow old with. It doesn’t matter what your mother, father, sister, brother or friends say. It’s about you and your life, your destiny, your path. You need to find someone who will help you on your path and who you can help on her path. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but I also think that people have a pre-conceived notion of what marriage should be and it’s not that. Marriage is exactly what you want it to be and make it be. Where you help each other on this path of life.

Chin up – Your soul mate is out there.

7:32 AM, August 11, 2006  
Blogger Deep Singhson said...

Com on matey!...this is the 3rd time in my life I have read your blog and its kinda depressing now!

I'm a turbanned sikh and I have never had problems attracting women! I mean there are like 3 billion women out there dude!

Also dont think that only an Indian woman will understand your sikhi. In my experience non-Sikh women have been fascinated by my Sikhi...more so than "Sikh" women...

Now tell the Universe EXACTLY what you are looking for...write it down...imagine what your wife looks like.. and then take ACTION and find her...okay?

Satnam!

10:45 AM, August 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chin up Anon above,

I am a turban wearing professionally educated handsome Sikh. I will help your sister clean and she will never cook because either we will eat out or we will hire a cook, nor will I ask her to take amrit. Will she marry me, now? Tell her, "Chin up – Your soul mate is out there"

Canadian anon.

5:36 PM, August 11, 2006  
Anonymous USA anon said...

To Chin Up Anon,

Your sister shouldn't marry Canadian anon above, she should marry me! I'm a turban wearing professionally educated Sikh (she can decide on the handsome part). I don't have any prerequisites of Amrit or caste or any of those kinds of conditions. What I do pay attention to is whether two people are right for each other. And that you can know after speaking to someone and getting to know them a little bit.

If she's at all curious, send me email!

USA Anon :)

10:55 PM, August 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

please do check our blogs out :)

http://sikhproblems.blogspot.com
http://shiningsikhs.blogspot.com

11:54 AM, August 13, 2006  
Anonymous ash said...

oh god harry.......
your blog is become so repetitive.......
cheer up man....
you'll meet the one you have been destined to meet anytime......it could be tomorrow or it could take an year......are you going to wallow in self pity till then???

do yourself a favour man......enjoy your singlehood...you'll miss it wen it is gone.....trust me

and wenever u write about wanting to come home to warm arms and a warm dinner, do write about dreaming about doing a reciprocal act too........or you are gonna be labelled a MCP

cheer up honey

2:17 AM, August 15, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.sikhmatrimonials.com/s/gursikhspeedmeeting

11:09 AM, August 31, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello,
i jus read ur blog today.. i ve almost read the entire thing includin the comments.
some hve liked it. sme loathe it.
this is for the first time that i happend to read abt a sikh boys perspective..till date i thought its only us girls
who suffer from these dilemnas..

i mus say tht u articulate ur thoughts very well...
humorous,witty,lampoonic but it does strike a chord...plz continue writing no matter wat ne one says

hope babaji gives u wat u truly deserve, n m sure whn u get wat u really desire
u will truly cherish it (or her i mus say??)
as ppl who hve waited enough fr smthing know its worth..and ya by the way i m jus presuming
tht u r on a visit to india {wife hunting(no offence plz)}
as u hvenot updated ur blog fr quite smtime now..
good luck.. :-)

does it really matter tellin who m i :))..
ok .. i think i shld

a sardarni...who aint baised agnst turbaned sikhs

3:32 PM, September 01, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ishq da dangya murr ke gutter da pani vi nahi mangda. Harry nu ishq ne aisa dangya hai ke uh blog he update kerna bhul gaya.

Wah, Harry , Wah !

(Poisoned by love, the lover dies before even he can ask for mere gutter's water to save him/her; so instantly works the poison of love).

11:59 AM, September 13, 2006  

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