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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

What's cookin',Good lookin'?

The simple answer to that question is:"A Lot".Literally. I am finally dabbling in the art and science of cooking. Over the last few days, we have cooked things like pasta, stir fry veggies and chicken of different types. Sure enough, it does not supplant restaurant food yet but I think I am getting there. There have been a few bumps. Like the other day, C had a little upset stomach. But you know, in big endeavours such as this, little drawbacks are ok. She is doing better now. Thanks.

While cooking, I reminsce about the days when I used to see my lady love in the kitchen cooking CTM for me. The other day, as C was working on the sandwiches, I sneaked behind her and held her in my arms. It was more or less exactly like I had thought. The only difference being there was no CTM in the picture. But that is ok.

The other thing that I have been doing is giving C lessons in "Life of a Sikh guy-101". So, C has been given demonstrations of how Sikh guys wear a turban, how they can wrap up their relatively long beards into a small knot. The first time she saw me wearing a piece of linen around my beard, she was astonished. She thought I had a tooth-ache or something. I gave her insights into the science of tying a beard. At the end, she told me that I still look like someone with a toothache. And then she kissed me in an attempt to cure my tooth ache.

I am glad a few of the sisters have finally accepted that what I have been yapping about is not entirely baseless. I stand vindicated. We are all but specks in this universe engaged in a quest for God as well as the one that God has created for us. One way or the other, we will all find that one. But sometimes, the quest is protracted and desperation sets in. I was and still am hurt by the open rejection of turbaned Sikh guys by Sikh women. I don't think it is a celebration of personal freedom. To me, it still reeks of discrimination.

My compliments and best wishes to those who have defeated the odds and found the partner of their dreams. As we all wallow in our luxuries, let us still not close our eyes to the world around us.

27 Comments:

Anonymous Puja said...

who is "C" ???
i belive that real quest should be to find Satguru and to unite with Him, never to be seperated again and enjoy the bliss forever and ever. that i belive is the real purpose of life.
other than this, everything belongs to this world, and will be left behind at the time of the death. so being human beings we have higher understanding of everything, we must seek something more than just worldly relationships. if not then we are no differnt from animals who come into this world, eat, sleep, make babies, raise them and die. and that is how most of the people are too, if they dont realise what their main purpose is.
so yeah......quest should be for Satguru only. if u can meet with Him, u will never want anything else.

5:11 PM, May 16, 2006  
Anonymous givelove said...

Why is it so important to want to unite with Him? What benefit is there of uniting in this lifetime when eventually we will again unite as everything comes from God and is a part of God. To find the bliss of God, I must let go of the attachments of human existence. Am I willing to do this? B/c if I take this step, in a way, I am no longer living and there in lies the bliss, the bliss of escaping the triumphs and pitfalls of what it means to be human. Then I will be free but no longer human.

6:10 PM, May 16, 2006  
Anonymous Jotroop Kaur said...

Ah perfect, the two extremes which our Guru has tried so hard to keep us away from. Waheguru is what we should seek to keep our minds attached to, and yet our Beloved has also given us this life to live. We should participate in this world but we should not get consumed in it.
Harry, it seems you have hardly listened to your readers. The people who comment about your posts seem very involved in this debate, but I keep hearing your sad tune.
Forgive me if I echo myself. It is not just the attitude of sikh women towards men wearing turban, it is the attitude of the sikh community, male and female. As sikhs move to different corners of the world, and all cultures get closer to eachother, the attitude towards the turban has changed. And I have a hard time feeling sorry for you when I know that attitudes towards me as a turbaned woman are even duller.
I know it is difficult, but you must quit seeing yourself as a sad dying species and realize that as a turbaned sikh you are a beautiful, brave, lion. If you believe in yourself, so will others; and if you love the Lord, then He will love you back in countless ways.

6:38 PM, May 16, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Harry, it seems you have hardly listened to your readers."

He does not. Well, who cares!
This blog was never about Dastaar or Kesh. It was always about finding a Wife.

Navreet

9:24 PM, May 16, 2006  
Blogger grey said...

I mostly dont buy Harry's whining about how gals dont like turbaned guys. I thought all that was a load of crap. I am a turbaned sikh and never really had any "discrimination" issues.

So i went to shaadi.com(india's premier matrimonal website). Some quick searches revealed there were more results for girls wanting their partners as "Sikh-Clean Shaven" guys than "Sikh-Gursikh" guys. I was surprised.

I went into the profile of girl listed as "sikh". It was pretty interesting. The profile was public - so i guess i aint invading anybody's privacy. If i am - sue Harry ;-).


Hi!!! I am 28 and a good natured, independent yet family oriented girl who has been brought up with a decent level of family values. Am a typical gemini. am a nice, fun loving and positive person to know and be with. Have been working for almost 5 years now. I think its high time my folks bid me bye bye... hence here I am:).

I come from a defense background, have loads of frens mostly married or have left delhi for work, etc. i am frenly possessing high energy and fun spirited. The near and dear ones find me affectionate, open yet diplomatic when the need be, sophisticated and naughty at the same time. Well I easily pass for being a pretty lady with an attitude. I tend to get bored sometimes and it gets me down and laziness creeps in :), i like doing the usual stuff which is watching TV, listenning to music, shopping, driving and yapping, i like going out with frens, meet up at coffee cafe day or barista over the weekend...
Am not all that religious.. spiritual yes, i admire honesty to an extent, beyond a point i think it can be dangerous... gemini's have this trait- they are moody and temperamental. i can be adjusting and adaptable but it depends how u tackle... i tend to get confused and thats when i feel the need to be rescued by my prince charming.
Seriously, would appreciate to be contacted by eligible men who are presentable looking, balanced, well settled and ambitious which means he will have to keep discussing his work, excellent conversationalist, expressive and convincing and matured in the head and otherwise :). I strongly feel.. I would fit well with someone whose got a die hard spirt to do his own stuff 3-4 years down the lane... and I would like to offer full support.
U have to be cool headed and patient as well plus if you'r a good listenner as and when required you'r hired already :). Frens tell me that though am a strong personality am a softie from inside.. and my partner shud be dominating yet compromising in nature :), I am stubborn at times, so he shud be able to very tactfully crack into me... LOL( whatever that means?)
Okie family is very important, not just mine for the guy's as well.. also i need some one whom i can look up to and respect with all my heart and mind.
I wud like to clarify that though we are from a sikh background, my partner should not be turbaned. Sorry if am hurting the sentiments of some of you, but this will definately save both our time.


That was shocking! I mean the who profile etc was damn interesting till i got to the last line ...

What else can i say - Harry i hear ya man!

11:39 PM, May 16, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well she does know her preferences! Who doesnt want to be with the person of their choice? Think of it this way. Would you be angry if this person was your sister?

4:06 AM, May 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would.

11:12 AM, May 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't wear a turban, but I would reject this girl simply because of what she wrote in her preferring a non-turbaned guy. I think this girl and girls like her are narrow-minded and I certainly would not be able to talk to any of them about Sikhi, because they don't even respect Sikh guys that keep their hair.

11:28 AM, May 17, 2006  
Anonymous OnTime said...

Ya a girl who is not faithful to her religion cannot be faithful to her husband.

This does not include those girls who cut their hair but are still faithful to their religion, respecting those who keep hair and admitting their own weakness.

11:58 AM, May 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

two years ago, I gave up on non sikh women thinking that sikh women might understand me better.
These days, I am close to giving up on sikh women as well. One message is clear, I no longer expect that sikh women, anywhere, with any level of education, social status, or upbringing, will understand me better.
Though being an optimist, I still believe that there are some really nice people out there who dont care about the turban issue.

BTW, I'd be more sympathetic to this girl, she is not asking for anything out of the blue. I do not see a prejudice in her words. Its just a preference.
If she was my sister, I would have litsened to her, and told her that the kind of person she wants to marry is her and solely her decision. After all, at the end of the day, I'd like to see her happy more than anything else!

12:53 PM, May 17, 2006  
Blogger Prabhu Singh said...

The biggest turn-off to me in that profile is:
" i like doing the usual stuff which is watching TV, listenning to music, shopping, driving and yapping, i like going out with frens, meet up at coffee cafe day or barista over the weekend... Am not all that religious"

Anybody who lists shopping as a hobby or interest is not somebody I admire. I spend my time trying to consume less and give more.
It's true though, it's both genders, not just one that are disrespecting the turban. There's no such thing as a Sikh who disrespects the turban, as soon as they do that, the 'Sikh' part is dissolved. A Sikh is a disciple of the Guru, plain and simple. A disciple of the Guru elevates the Guru's bana.
It's true, people know what they want. I want to marry a woman who wears a turban and wants to dedicate her life with me in service to the Guru. Anybody with anything else in mind is not my ideal match. If she says I don't like turbans, than I know right away, she's not even close to what I'm looking for. No need to get mad, it's not women, it's people in general who are ignorant and shallow. Only by Guru's grace will people follow Guru Ji's Dharma, the rest need our compassion.

12:53 PM, May 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is shallow about it really? She does not like the look of a turban? Isnt it prejudice on your part to assume that she is shallow because she prefers someone who is clean shaven?

And what makes you think she disrespects the concept of turban altogether. She still is as much a sikh as you and me. She has her preferences, you have yours.

turbaned sikh guy

2:15 PM, May 17, 2006  
Anonymous Nanki said...

Hey Harry,
Would like to tell you that there are plenty of sikh women physicians. I am one of them. I also met my husband in med school while we were both studying. My parents are both sikh, they told me I could marry whoever i wanted..even someone from another religion. But I only wanted to marry a sikh man with a turban, someone with the knowledge of sikhism, and someone who could teach me more about sikhism.

3:56 AM, May 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harry is looking for a Sikh woman
Who is a Sikh
Who looks like a model
Who is also be very well educated and earns good money
Who can also cook at home and feed the guests
Who is also a traditional woman. ( according to some Punjabi cultural norms)
who is interesting and has good personality.

Yes! noone should dare to ask what he got and what doesn't have.


Unfortunately many of these don't mix together.
I read an article about these creams ( for lighter skin complexion) they sell in South East Asia. To what extent women go to be wanted by men and society.

Very depressing thought. Unfortunately this blog under the disguise of Turban debate only presents one-sided story.

11:58 AM, May 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yesyes. I was for one like that 2...hehehe my 2b wife is one of this breed.

4:19 PM, May 18, 2006  
Anonymous FT said...

Hi Harry,

Your posts are always interesting. Your wee story about your "Life of a Sikh guy-101" reminds me of the first time I saw that linen for the beard. I was going to chat about it here, but thought it would make an amusing story on my own blog, so I posted it there.

Keep writing, Harry. Whether people agree or disagree with you, it's obvious you are striking some chords, and that's not a bad thing. (-:

8:09 PM, May 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My story is similar.My parents have been trying to look for someone but have not been able to find one.
I found some one online, someone who seemed really nice, but they vetoed her saying that she is not up the the mark!

I guess they do not understand that most of the educated, good looking sikh women are either taken or not interested....they simply do not understand that it will be impossible to get someone who is perfect! For them, their son is the brightest and the handsomest bachelor ever...even with his Ladenesque looks. I hope that with time they will realize that sikh women are much more independent than they thought, and they have to lower their expectations.

My search has left me very bitter towards the females of my own kind. Not recommended, but what can one do in such circumstances?
When I meet a sikh girl these days, even casually, I am very skeptical and overly cautious to make sure that I do not show any interest. ALWAYS they tend to have bfs (Cutsurds, or hindus). If they dont, they are looking for someone cutshut.
I am much more comfortable with non sikh women, coz I know from the beginning that they simply wont be interested at all. I guess I expect too much from sikh women. May be, like my parents, I also need to be more realistic! OR, may be another 5-6 years down the line, I would still be unmarried, and after that, simply wont care, and things would be back to normal.

11:24 PM, May 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy for you Harry!

But this really sucks man... this whole thing. You cant blame the gals - i mean us guys would probably prefer a modern gal over a dastaar wearing gal ourselves. So the gals prefer the cut-surds over the turban wearing lads.

The point is the dastar wearing gals are atleast - doing it on their own choice. Where as the turban wearing guys are more or less bound by tradition, family and more blah blah.

-A sardar guy who feels aweful after reading this blog and the comments in it!

3:11 PM, May 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I guess they do not understand that most of the educated, good looking sikh women are either taken or not interested....they simply do not understand that it will be impossible to get someone who is perfect! I hope that with time they will realize that sikh women are much more independent than they thought, and they have to lower their expectations."

Too bad Harry never said this about sikh women.( which explains why you see so many negative comments on this blog). This dude ( Harry) always saw something negative in Sikh women.

4:18 PM, May 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Previous poster: what choices do we (turbaned sikh guys) have? Get rid of the hair or lower expectations about the kind of mate you are going get.

In other words, decide what is more important to you. Your mate, or your turban. On the face of it. such a simple question, any impartial person would tell us to get rid of the turban and hair.
But my turban is my faith, its a part of me.
I think I will lower my expectations and let the better looking/educated sikh women go.
After all, somebody has to marry in average lot as well! to all the average sikh women...here I come....

12:35 PM, May 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Previous poster: what choices do we (turbaned sikh guys) have? Get rid of the hair or lower expectations about the kind of mate you are going get."
I am the previous anon. I am not saying you should get rid of your hair (I too have hair - you don't need to tell me that). All, I am saying understand that women simply want more from guys these days. It is not good enough to have decent education, looks etc (I have an education and I can earn probably more than you).
Nobody is asking you to get rid of your turban and hair. Also, you limit Sikh religion when you say your turban is part of my faith. Sikh religion goes way beyond this issue of turban.
Guru Nanak Dev Ji laid great stress on the value of community or Sangant as a means of religious advancement. Sangant is based on the idea of freedom and equality. The spirit of sangant is very essential for Sikh religion. Your rant about Sikh women not appreciating your turban reminds of when my Christians friends say I should convert to Christianity. I always tell them that as a Christian Jesus asked you to love your neighbor. On the other hand, you lay so much emphasis on making somebody else look like you that you yourself fail to see essence of Christianity. Same is the issue with you all and Harry. You are so focused on Turban that you fail to see or remind anybody what really Sikh religion is about and than you complain why everybody else can’t look at you beyond your turban. We always clap with two hands. So please share some of this blame that you place on Sikh women for not seeing Sikhi Saroop in all you. Do you really portray Sikhi Saroop? (Men who think woman is here to represent some sort of foxiness in her, and is a chick, or a in club you want to tell the guy that your women friends are your three or four brides- in my view don’t represent Sikhi saroop).
What is your definition of average Sikh women?
I don't think there are any average Sikh women. All are very exceptional. We all fail to perceive real beauty- that lies in our creative imagination and let us to the creative will of God.

I am really tired of you all attaching so much value to Turban. Please go and look at yourself beyond that turban and than rest of us (women) will look at you. Until than I think you all can complain all you want about Sikh women. That is your loss and I am ashamed so called Sikh men can perceive Sikh women as such.

1:49 PM, May 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I have an education and I can earn probably more than you

Wondering, how do you know that?


Nobody is asking you to get rid of your turban and hair.

Yes, its a matter of choice.

Also, you limit Sikh religion when you say your turban is part of my faith.

Rephrase: its a part of my interpretation of sikhism. That does not mean that I do not respect your interpretation of sikhism. Sikhs who cut their hair (you?) are probably following sikhi as they interpret it.

I do not really follow your logic in the next para, may be you are just trying to defend your version of sikhi on which I made no attacks on.

I am really tired of you all attaching so much value to Turban. Please go and look at yourself beyond that turban and than rest of us (women) will look at you.
As Harry pointed out previously, its not a matter of us thinking broader, its a matter of getting rejected right away, just for not being a "clean shaven" sikh.


That is your loss and I am ashamed so called Sikh men can perceive Sikh women as such.
Really? and you are not ashamed of any prejudice that these so called "sikh" women show?

2:31 PM, May 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have an education and I can earn probably more than you
Wondering, how do you know that?
I am not sitting at home and cooking meals for my husband. All I am saying is that If I am with a man it is not that I need him but because I want him.

Also, you limit Sikh religion when you say your turban is part of my faith.

Rephrase: its a part of my interpretation of sikhism. That does not mean that I do not respect your interpretation of sikhism. Sikhs who cut their hair (you?) are probably following sikhi as they interpret it.

I don't cut my hair and I am around people who think I should cut my hair. I don't think those with turban understands Sikh religion more than someone who does not wear turban.
Meditate on one God
Earn Honest living
and service
are the basic tenets of Sikh religion. This in no way is my interpretation.

I am really tired of you all attaching so much value to Turban. Please go and look at yourself beyond that turban and than rest of us (women) will look at you.
As Harry pointed out previously, its not a matter of us thinking broader, its a matter of getting rejected right away, just for not being a "clean shaven" sikh.

Women who reject you for your turban are not Sikh. However. you keep repeating Sikh women reject you for turban- How that is possible? ( this is really
bothersome).

That is your loss and I am ashamed so called Sikh men can perceive Sikh women as such.
Really? and you are not ashamed of any prejudice that these so called "sikh" women show?

yes! I too am ashamed of any prejudice so called " sikh women" show . They just mirror what you represent.

In the end, so called " sikh men" are whining about so called "sikh women".
There is no sikh ( that is understandable) but again no one wantd to admit that I am aspiring to be Sikh.
All I am saying Don't misuse phrase Sikh.

3:46 PM, May 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear you Harry. I think we need more updates on you and C though. Let the fuckers bitch all they want. They are simply avoiding the fact that there is a problem with Sikh females when turbaned guys are concerned. I think it is a let-me-stick-my-hand-in-the-sand-and-pretend-there-is-no-problem attitude.

8:20 PM, May 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Let the fuckers bitch all they want. "
Hey Anon Veer Ji/Bhenjee
From where did you learn this sweet speech ( I hope not from your Mata Ji).

Isn't it ironic that you think there is a problem with Sikh Females when turbaned guys are concerned.

I feel like throwing up...
and wondering who is worse - you ( with such sweet speech) or women who don't care about guys with turban.

11:11 PM, May 20, 2006  
Anonymous davi said...

Oh no! Send out the cavalry!
Sikh women have finally learnt to make choices for themselves!

12:21 AM, May 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Harry,

It's happens this is life.Just forget it. From now onwards don't expect anything from life. Try to give ur best to this world and think why u came to this precious place.Find out the answer and move forward.Don't waste ur time on these things more.

Bye
Best of Luck

Ranjit kaur , Kolkata

6:51 AM, July 08, 2006  

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