Prisoner of my dreams
I am back to my domain of singlehood. Feels just like home. The air smells great here too. There is a bad taste in my mouth but that is fading away slowly. I have realized that it is all the more difficult for me because I am held a prisoner by my dreams. Dreams of finding someone to love and who will love me back. Someone who will be like a Pulsar radiating love to me and not someone like a Blackhole who will absorb all the love I send her without an atom of affection coming back. Dreams of walking on the curvy path down the valley of years, holding each other's hands. Dreams of blue skies, blue oceans, white beaches, green eyes and ruddy cheeks that become even more red when I kiss her. And above all, dreams of making babies and dreams of her taking care of the babies and cooking food for me and cleaning the house and ironing my clothes. Ok. maybe not the last one. But yeah, dreams of this and dreams of that.
All of us dream of different things when we are young. Some of us believe in those dreams and shed the sweat of their brow and the blood of their hearts to chase those dreams. At the same time, I think one can do a lot of service to oneself if one does not allow oneself to be held a prisoner by those dreams. Chasing dreams is all fine and dandy but to make it a matter of life or death is in nobody's interest.
So, I am giving myself a break. My old friend Tanhai is back on my side. She teases me occasionally at night but she has been an old friend and that is ok between friends.
I have decided that I am not going to actively look for a wife anymore. You may say ki bhaiya, aangoor khate hain( that this is a slam dunk case of sour grapes!) and you won't be completely wrong but whatever. "Free your mind", Morpheus told Neo and I am going to follow his advise too. To use the old cliche, I am going to be patient and let the butterfly of marital happiness come and sit on me. That is not to say, that others who care about me have stopped looking. I am going to let everything takes its own course and hope for the best. In the meantime, I have so many other things to take care of. In a nutshell, I am going to defocus the marriage stuff for now.
I recently met another Sardar friend. We discussed a number of issues and as expected the issue of the Sikh identity cane up. He agreed with me that most professional Sikhs who come to the US give up their identity within a few months of landing in the US. He also related the story of an acquaintance of his who happens to be a Sikh woman. The parents of this lady had a lot of trouble finding a turbaned Sikh guy for her and after a long time of a futile search, they gave up and she ended up marrying a cut Surd from California. He also told me that most Delhi girls that he knew preferred non-turbaned Sikhs.
None of this was news to me. But sometimes it helps when one's view is vindicated by others in the similar situation.
All of us dream of different things when we are young. Some of us believe in those dreams and shed the sweat of their brow and the blood of their hearts to chase those dreams. At the same time, I think one can do a lot of service to oneself if one does not allow oneself to be held a prisoner by those dreams. Chasing dreams is all fine and dandy but to make it a matter of life or death is in nobody's interest.
So, I am giving myself a break. My old friend Tanhai is back on my side. She teases me occasionally at night but she has been an old friend and that is ok between friends.
I have decided that I am not going to actively look for a wife anymore. You may say ki bhaiya, aangoor khate hain( that this is a slam dunk case of sour grapes!) and you won't be completely wrong but whatever. "Free your mind", Morpheus told Neo and I am going to follow his advise too. To use the old cliche, I am going to be patient and let the butterfly of marital happiness come and sit on me. That is not to say, that others who care about me have stopped looking. I am going to let everything takes its own course and hope for the best. In the meantime, I have so many other things to take care of. In a nutshell, I am going to defocus the marriage stuff for now.
I recently met another Sardar friend. We discussed a number of issues and as expected the issue of the Sikh identity cane up. He agreed with me that most professional Sikhs who come to the US give up their identity within a few months of landing in the US. He also related the story of an acquaintance of his who happens to be a Sikh woman. The parents of this lady had a lot of trouble finding a turbaned Sikh guy for her and after a long time of a futile search, they gave up and she ended up marrying a cut Surd from California. He also told me that most Delhi girls that he knew preferred non-turbaned Sikhs.
None of this was news to me. But sometimes it helps when one's view is vindicated by others in the similar situation.
posted by harry singh at 4:24 PM
59 Comments:
I beg your pardon, but theres a hitting "but" that cant be cut. At times you feel seeing a sikh girl that she is going to be apt for you, you find her complete in every sense, you start seeing her like your wife(your forevision goes wild), you two are settled and all those castles in the air kinda stuff. But dear friend, if you believe in destiny, if you call yourself a SIKH whos a follower of a Guru, who is never taught to be distraught over things that are not in his own hands, who believes in the will of Akaal, then soon you will see the bigger picture. I am too small in age than you, but I am sure I can think better, if only words are the reflection of your thoughts. I never meant to demean anybody, niether am I trying to prove my neuron chamber here, I am just amazed at a big sikh bro's self cursing in not findind a girl for himself? Come on, give yourself a break. A smart and intelligent doctor is not meant to crucify his soul like this. You are made to serve humanity, you should be proud of that. And as far as marriage is concerned, Sir, believe me, "Sabr ka fal meetha hota hai" and the sikhni for you I am sure is in the making. Good Luck and cheerup!
"dreams of her taking care of the babies and cooking food for me and cleaning the house and ironing my clothes"
No wonder you can't find anyone....with views like that who would. Your living in 2006 buddy. Both men and women take care of the household and the kids. My parents are living proof and with that they have instilled equality witin my 2 brothers and myself.
*Ms Kaur
Thanks Ms Kaur for above comment. Tragic part is that an educated Sikh male dreaming about a woman taking care of babies, cleaning house etc.
Harry is going way back beyond 300 years. Sikh women were fighting along with Sikh men in battlefieds just 300 years ago.
Anon above,
If Husband is earning more than his wife, then there is no harm if the wife takes care of house works.
Justice or equality demands that if men earn equal to women outside home, they should share equal house work at home,
BUT,
if men earn more outside the home , they should not be forced to share equal house work.
I would like to qualify this statement by saying that precise division of labour at home can never be achieved and its not desirable in a husband wife relation.
BOTH should care about each other as life partners and soul mates by doing as much house work as they can do without keeping account because precise calculations are neither possible nor desirable in a loving environment.
After all a house is not a business or work place, its a nurserry of love where the capacity to help each other without keeping accounts is a FREE GIFT OF LOVE between them.
Mr. G
"If Husband is earning more than his wife, then there is no harm if the wife takes care of house works."
This statement really pisses me off for many reasons.
I don't agree with that at all. In my family there are women who don't earn as much as men. However, men do clean their own clothes, cook their own food etc. Your wife is your friend not a slave.
Let me give you an example
Suppose I am a woman who has similar education background as my husband, but I did put on hold my career because I wanted to take care of our children. Let us say after 10 years my husband is earning lot of money because work experience etc. On the other hand, I was really taking care of children etc for those years. Finally children grow up and I have time to go out and work. I am not earning as much money as my husband because I just entered the labor force. So what you say my husband should refuse to do any work at home because he is earning more money. He would not have earned all this money if I would not have given up my career for the well-being of our children.
Not to mention, finding an educated Sikh woman (a fellow MD, for example, as I am) is not easy if you expect her to sit at home, barefoot and in an apron, "taking care of your babies." Did you ever consider than a Sikh woman might also be looking for someone willing to sit at home and "take care" of HER babies? Harry, you asked in a previous post many months ago why Sikh women born in the West are not interested in men born in India. This is a major reason. Many of us expect men who understand the egalitarian ethos of Sikhism, and we expect them to live it, not just pay lip service to it. Men with the continued "traditional" model of marriage just don't fit the bill for educated, working Sikh women.
2nd Anon above,
I do not agree with you that home chores makes wife a slave. If doing home works is slavery, then working outside home for a husband is also slavery.
But I think work is worship whether at home or outside, its not slavery.
I also don't agree with your pay inequity theory. Women don't get pay cuts because they take care of babies, rather they get pay checks, i.e. paid maternity leave.
But if a woman decides to sit home more than the law permits them during maternity, then the pay inequity will occur. In this case, woman has delayed her own career on the pretext of baby sitting. While the man was working hard outside all these years, she was having fun baby sitting.
All said, I agree with you that men should share household chores if their wives are working outside. IT WILL BE UNJUST, IF MEN SIT AND WATCH TV WHILE WOMEN COOK AFTER LONG HOURS OF WORK OUTSIDE.
By the way, this habit (watching TV while working wife works at home) is not only a trade mark of Indian born husbands, it is practiced by the Western husbands also. West is well known for subjugating and dehumanizing women, where women had no right to vote until 1962 0r 1942.
People, ladies and the rest. Please hold your horses. I was kidding about the "taking care of babies" thingie. I wrote that too.
Take it easy. It is all in good humor.
"But if a woman decides to sit home more than the law permits them during maternity, then the pay inequity will occur. In this case, woman has delayed her own career on the pretext of baby sitting. While the man was working hard outside all these years, she was having fun baby sitting."
you are right! baby sitting is fun if a woman is doing it. It is lot of hard work if man is doing it.
By the way housewives are most underpaid workers in any society.
hey, mr.g
you are a pain in the arse
you are talking rubbish all the time
i dont understand why someone like you would ever spend time and energy debating on things like that one thing common abou all of you post is that you would disagree on anything posted and said, regardless of the subject and circumstances
put effort in more productive things in your life........lolz
anon above,
may be your arse is defective which is causing pain because others like Dr Jatinder Khalsa( in the previous post) not only liked my posts, but he or she also asked my permission to share it on othe sites.
I disagree where I have evidence to prove error in someone's thinking process. Disagrement in a debate is healthy indicator of progress and intellectual advancement, but I am sorry to hear that disagreement gives pain in your arse, go get some treatment for it.
Hi Harry, I do agree with some poeple's ideas about posting your picture onsite, that way only those girls will contact you who are intrested in turbaned wearing guys. To be honest, i never even looked at guys who wore turbans because i felt scareed of them. But now who do i look for on the matrimonial sites, only guys with turbans. Its strange, how your views toward other people change as you grow. I've been through really tough times in my life and with God's grace I was able to realize the real meaning of life and how we should live with Guru's commands and that his love will always be there for us.
Dreams of finding someone to love and who will love me back.
Get real brother. Did you really expect someone to love a turban wearing sikh? Be grateful that people even tolerate your existence.
Such things are for normal people. you CHOSE to be abnormal, so live with it now.
Realize that your only chances of marrying someone are through your parents- to a girl who will be forced into it by her parents. Sooner you understand this, the better.
rab rakha!
Harry,
I guess you are learning the truth the hard way. There will be very few people who will really accept you. You will have to fight it out mostly alone. Dreams are almost always broken and we come to terms with reality. You should understand that you are different. You should expect your partner also to be different than the crowd. She will probably be someone who is more conservative than the crowd and probably (believe it or not) below average in looks (or you will compromise on education).
Its good, such experiences are important to become a better individual. All you really have to do is protect yourself from becoming embittered with sikh women for not accepting you.
"Did you really expect someone to love a turban wearing sikh? Be grateful that people even tolerate your existence."
"She will probably be someone who is more conservative than the crowd and probably (believe it or not) below average in looks (or you will compromise on education)."
"Realize that your only chances of marrying someone are through your parents- to a girl who will be forced into it by her parents. Sooner you understand this, the better."
Jesus! Are you trying to make Harry commit suicide. The future is certainly not so bleak as the last 2 posts make it seem. Above, you have the voice of negativity and hopelessness blaring, filling the ears of the unsuspecting turbaned Sikhs. This is like the imaginary Devil on your left shoulder, telling you are worthless and that you are destined for doom. However, the angel on your right shoulder might say...everything is going to be alright, just hang in there, you'll get the girl in the end.
the last 2 comments, you guys are full of "bullshit"(not a cuss word in india) Your predictions for Harry's future paint a more desolute picture than dante's inferno. There are plenty of turbaned Sikhs who are not living in the hell you speak of.
I think the anon poster mentioned several problems facing turbaned sikhs today-only in a very negative manner.
Post 9/11, racism against turbaned sikhs has been the highest ever in recent decades.
It is also true that most american sikhs view turbaned sikhs as "traditional" (if they are being politically correct) or "narrow minded". Harry is facing the same problem. It is only natural that turbaned sikhs will marry into families which are more "traditional" than others. A turbaned sikh's choices are limited by this factor (hence the compromise on looks or education).
If most sikh girls prefer non turbaned men, is it not a compromise , at best, to be married to a turbaned guy? "forcing" is the politically incorrect term for this.
its amazing to see how discussions go haywire on this blog. Harry drops a ball in the middle of the field so calmly, just writing his own lovely thoughts and then vanishes. A 100 players with one player per team come and thrash and kick the ball until a each single thread from the ball's stitch ceases. It seems like harry throws viands and bees come for it. Harry I envy you for attracting so much public interest, :-X.
BBBWAAAHHHAAAAHHHHAAAAHHHAAAAAHHHAAA!
"I am going to be patient and let the butterfly of marital happiness come and sit on me."
I've never heard it called "the butterfly of marital happiness" before. Butterfly, huh? Interesting.
Hi
I came across your blog and have read each post and each and every comment.
Harry you are fine in opening this blog and writing your feelings. great work.
But my heart bleeds on some comments.
Here are my views...
1.. I request all the others to stop calling turbaned Sikhs as shudras, hairy or any other such crap titles, even in sarcasm. Call them gursikhs. When you call a gursikh a shudra... man it hurts. Gursikhs don’t deserve to be called that.
2.. What the hell, some people think that guruji was ok with sex before marriage, some think that its ok to cut hair as long as we are true in our hearts, some others think that its ok to keep hair on head but roms can be cut, some others think that we are justified to use words like as****e openly because guru ji has used words like these for bad people. Now this is what I call Amazing interpretation of sikhi. Some are ready to bet that sikhi saroop will finish in 50 years. Wow. Some other great minds think that Sikh girls are crap we should hate them. OK.
Now I understand how we people can twist and turn what our gurus have said to justify what we think.
Here are some facts...
A.. A khalsa a gursikh who stays pyara to guru. who does not cut/burn the hairs on his/her body, who does not dream of having sex with anyone except his/her partner after marriage, who does not smoke/drink/eat/chew and kind of addictive substance which can harm the body. in other words does what Guruji himself did. A gursikh is an image of my guru. Please .... I beg you not to dishonor my guru by twisting the facts just because you cannot follow what he said.
b.. If you cannot follow my Guru's saying...It's Ok... believe me it's Ok... you do what you do... you are free. if you want to throw the turban away and cut your hair... please go ahead. If you want to sleep with many people... please do it... in other words do what ever you want to do... but please DONT justify your doings by pulling out one or two lines from gurbani and then interpret them wrongly.
c.. A Fact : Sikhism will never die a dodo’s death. It never can. No matter how many people leave it. And I am ready to bet anything for it.
d.. People who are not amritdhari are not Khalsa. They are just Nigure(without any teacher). When I say amritdhari please do not give me examples of amritdhari Sikhs who dishonor their partners by any act including violence. they are not gursikhs.. they are not amritdharis... they are manmukhs and these breeds are present everywhere..
e.. There might be girls/boys who don’t like Khalsa's, but there are many people who love Khalsa's.
If you are a Khalsa, I salute you because you have the courage to stand up for our Guru. I equally respect others but then they are the passengers of a path which is not mine. My path is the path of love.. the path of complete surrender to guru.. the path of sikhi. No wonder the path of sikhi is "khande ton tikhi.. waaloon nikki". There will always be people who fall from that path.
Overall Harry , you are back to square one. But don’t give up. I believe you have turned to be the most eligible bachelor of cyberspace. I am sure that you will find some one soon.
"Realize that your only chances of marrying someone are through your parents- to a girl who will be forced into it by her parents. Sooner you understand this, the better."
That will also work for me. Just get me someone somehow...heeheehee
turbaned guy
I beg to differ with the anonymous poster who said you compromise on education, looks, or will find a "more conservative" Sikh girl if you are turbaned. There are beautiful, educated Sikh women out there, many of whom are looking for sardars! I personally know a bunch of them, and I would like to hope that I also fit that profile when I was looking. I am now happily married -- to a beautiful, highly educated sardar, no less. I don't think it's as simple as conservative/liberal. There are Sikh women who are open-minded and are looking for turbaned men. Some don't even care about the hair issue! When I was looking, I didn't care if my husband cut his hair or not. I was looking for a person of honor, kindness, and integrity and was willing to go either way on hair. Hair is only the surface; a person's true nature has absolutely nothing to do with "saroop." In fact, a great person shines through whatever saroop he has. Those of you who are turbaned men are just as likely to find educated, beautiful, open-minded partners as anyone else. You just have to have confidence and hold your head high. Those who have faith in themselves and the guru will attract the faithfulness of a Sikh woman too.
Also, Harry, have you checked out the Gursikh speed meetings on Sikhnet? These are live meetings in several big U.S. cities between young Sikh men and women who are looking for partners. You meet up to 100 women at a time, I believe, and they are all supposedly looking for "Gursikhs" (simile for sardar, I expect). You might consider checking out the info, which I believe is on Sikhnet.
Prabhjot,
You said "Now I understand how we people can twist and turn what our gurus have said to justify what we think"
So Prabhjot, please do not twist and turn gurbani to justify what you think is right. Most importantly , do not ignore those gurbani lines that do not accord with your own thinking and misinterprete the rest to satisfy your own fancy.
Dear anonymous...
If you read my post... I have not used and line out of gurbani except "khandeon tikhi.. waaloon nikki", which is self explanatory.
I am a Sikh, and I am learning... if you think you are a scholar in Sikhism and know more than me.... great..... tell me where have I gone wrong. I am ready to learn. Our thoughts will differ basically because my experiences are different than yours. Now this does not mean that you are wrong or I am wrong... it simply means that you have your own thoughts about sikhi... and I have my own... but the advantage that I have is that I stand up for what I am. I am a khalsa who follows rehat because I don’t find it baseless and tough to follow ... but I believe you do. I don’t need anyone to tell me weather I am right or wrong because I have started to realize what is right and wrong.
All I know is that Sikhs have chosen death over cutting their kesh. But of course many people there think that it was illogical of them to do that... that they were not smart enough. Well I differ, because it is MY religion, it is MY faith, it is MY love, and no god-damn person who has never walked on the path of sikhi, has the right to say anything against it.
But of course you are a learned scholar who wants to stay anonymous. You might even be the next great Sikh sant, but since you have chosen an anonymous identity… let me ask you……. Are you a gursikh…. Do you sincerely try to wake up at amritwela and do panj banian da path…. Do you feel proud to have a turban on your head… Do you feel the thirst of naam … Do you sincerely try to be the reflection of my guru.
Because if you do, I am ready to kiss your feet, I am ready to learn from you…. But if you are not…. Then we are on different boats…. You are not a khalsa of my guru …. And with due respects it does not matter to me who you are or what you think.
Next time specify your name (if you are not ashamed of it) and clarify your thoughts properly before you comment. I really don’t feel like having a debate with a person who is not ready to even give out his/her name.
Prabhjot,
Sikh religion is not about waking up early and sleeping at day time like dogs and donkeys (most people who wake up early are found to be snoring or sleeping at day time), but Sikh religion is about "savas savas nam japna (24 hrs simran), not merely at early morning hrs (Savas Savas Simro Gobind).
You accuse others, but you choose and preach easy way.
This is one point I disagree with you on and so I say again:
"Prabhjot, please do not twist and turn gurbani to justify what you think is right. Most importantly , do not ignore those gurbani lines that do not accord with your own thinking and misinterprete the rest to satisfy your own fancy".
There are many points (almost all except a few) you have made in your post that are inconsistent with gurbani and sikh religion (they rather portray Hindu religion from which sikh gurus tried to separate sikhs).
You are a slave, Sikh nation is a slave nation, sikhs are not a sovereign nation, so I do not wonder why you protray a sikh religion of the ruling master nation.
So check your post and find out for yourself since you do not like to talk with anons (God is one of anons who has never told his name to anyone).
Dear anonymous,
You accuse others, but you choose and preach easy way.
I am sorry if you felt that way. I am not accusing anybody and I don’t have the capability to preach and neither am I trying to do that.
Sikh religion is not about waking up early and sleeping at day time like dogs and donkeys
You are right, but it does say "satgur ka jo sikh akaye so bhalke uuth har naam dehaye". What were you thinking when you wrote this sentence. My dear brother where did I even hint of sleeping in the day.
There are many points (almost all except a few) you have made in your post that are inconsistent with gurbani and sikh religion (they rather portray Hindu religion from which sikh gurus tried to separate sikhs).
WOW... really... Please point out the inconsistent sentences one by one in an orderly fashion.
I want to see them in your next post.
You are a slave, Sikh nation is a slave nation, sikhs are not a sovereign nation, so I do not wonder why you portray a sikh religion of the ruling master nation.
huh... what was that... Where the hell did I say anything about a sikh nation. My dad is a gursikh and is in the Indian Army. I know more about the practicality of a seperate Sikh nation than you.Dont put words in my mouth.
God is one of anons who has never told his name to anyone
Maa... kasam ... kya dialog mara hai. Didn't you feel stupid when you wrote this. Does god have a name?
Dear anonymous, I am not trying to change you, I am not trying to question your beliefs, I am not trying to prove anything to you. if you want to make a point, say it clearly...please do not beat around the bush. Your English is nice so you ARE educated, please CLEARLY SPECIFY what you write.
And dear anon,
You said : savas savas nam japna (24 hrs simran), not merely at early morning hrs (Savas Savas Simro Gobind).
A person who understands about savas savas naam japna is supposed to be at a very high spiritual stage. Have you tried naam jaap? If not.. please try it, you will understand that amritwela(early morning) is the best time for naam simran. You will then understand the meaning of my remark which clearly says... Do you sincerely try to wake up at amritwela and do panj banian da path. if you cant do that then my dear brother, how can you comment on something which you dont know about.
Prabhjot...
If you are living in an enslaved land, your interpretation of religion and the Freedom to practice religion is influenced by the ruling class. Just look back at the history how Mugal and English rule influenced religious practices and the religious map of India.
200 Million Hindus and many Sikhs converted to Islam and Chritianity in these eras. Finally, the Hindus and the Sikhs decided to free themselves from the tyranny of foreign rulers. I bet if Mogals or English rulers had not been overthrown in India, most of India would have different religious map.
The policy of religious assimilation by the majority rulers is too slow to be detected by people like me and you.
"Bhalke" does not mean "amrit vela", it simply means "early" and early does not mean "too early" or "too late" in this verse. So Intereprete "bhalke" correctly. By the way, the reference to "bhalke" is not from Guru Granth Sahib, it is from Bhai Gurdas, whose writings are not part of SGGS and thus do not have a status of gurbani, though personally I respect his writtings.
The dictionary meaning of Anonymous means "Having an unknown or unacknowledged name". Thus God is anonymous since his/her name is "unknown" to humans becasue he has not "revealed his identity, or name" to any human.
Each and every line except a few is inconsistent with gurbani in your post. I have again shown how inconsistent is your interpretation of "Bhalke", now its upto you to correct other inconsistencies in your posts because you don't want to talk to anons, including God who is one of anons. Yet you talked to an anon in your recent post. Do not be inconsistent in what you say, so Keep your stand and do not talk to anons again.
dude there is 2 things u can do
1. somehow change the point of view of sikh women so that they like hairy men like u (and me).
2. get rid of the turban and hair and live happily ever after.
1 is not possible. 2 is a possibility.
think about it.
.....or remain single.
Ripu,
When Sikh nation is freed in India, you are free to go to Dehli or away and practice freedom of religion there.
Prabhjot,
Ripu,
A nation need population, land, government and sovereignity to exist as a free country. Punjab has all resources in abundance. Why can't it be practical for Sikhs to have free nation state.
Perhaps you will say Punjab does not have access to sea. However,
One of the most developed nation, the Switzerland is a landlocked country (without access to sea); its practical for them to exist as a free nation.
Perhaps you will say, Punjab is so little. However, The most industrialized nation, the Japan does not have more area than Punjab; yet its practical for them to exist as a free nation.
I guess you will argue, Punjab has so small population, it will not be practical to have a free nation. But, Isreal has less population (30 lakh only) than Punjab; yet they exist as POWERFUL free nation.
Despite low population, area and lack of access to sea, these nations are rich and powerful. Its practical and preferable to have freedom becasue slave nations are always plundered by their master rulers.
In modern world, we have free nations as small as composing 10,000 population with only 100 miles in area. How is it practical for them to exist.
You have been domesticated to such an extent that you can't live without slavery just like a dog, horse and a cow. No wonder why your life is like dogs and donkeys rather than like free powerful lions. NO wonder why you interprete Sikh religion with the glases of Hinduism.
most turbaned sikhs do not date. Poor things try, but fail miserably.
I completely side with sikh women for rejecting turbaned men if they decide to do so. Its very hard being a turbaned sikh today, being always ridiculed upon and worse, if you are in the west, there is always a good chance some fanatic will come and shoot you. Everybody has the right to live in peace, so do sikh women. Why should they marry someone who has all sorts of uncalled for problems? Plus, most sikh women are good looking, why wont they want an equally good looking partner?
The person who said that women are "forced" into marriage with turbaned sikh men is not completely wrong. Assuming rationality, anyone will choose a goodlooking mate, and someone who is likely to face lesser problems.
Harry, will YOU yourself not go for the hottest chick you meet?
For turbaned sikhs: This does not mean that you are doomed. If things are against you, so be it. You should be strong enough to face the truth, and stand up for your own identity. If some sikh woman rejects you, its not your problem, just keep looking....you might get lucky and find someone.
To respond to the last poster: there are actually are Sikh women out there who find turbaned men attractive, and dare I say -- more attractive than men who are not turbaned. It's not totally accurate to generalize Sikh women as a group, saying that they as a whole do not want turbaned men.
Puneet2,
Good job.
And women who are loyal to their religion, community and family are the most beautiful of all women, dare I say also.
May God Bless You, Puneet2.
A thought about a separate Sikh nation…
What does this mean “Raj karega Khalsa, Aki Rahe Na Koi, Khuar Hoye Sab Milenge, Bache Sharan jo Hoe”. Does it mean that Khalsa will Raj everywhere, or just in a small separate nation. Yes it depends on your interpretation, but mine says that the target is everywhere.
I am not a preacher, but yes I am true to my beliefs. I know that there are more sehajdhari Khalsa’s outside India. But this does not mean that all Indians Sikhs are living like cows and dogs. That they are enslaved and look at Sikhism with Hindu glasses. Let me tell you, STOP COMMENTING without knowing the facts. If you think you can create a separate Sikh Nation, please come forward like Sant Jarnail Singh Ji and actually do something. But if you cannot do something except sit outside India and talk, then understand this that Sikhs outside India have done nothing compared to Sikhs inside India for a separate Sikh nation. All the shaheeds were Indians, It is easy to go outside and gather money, create propaganda and remain at a safe distance. If you have the guts come here in the fire, if you are ready to start a movement, I will be the first person to jump in and will gladly die for the cause. And I think enough been said about this topic on different forums. There is nothing I can contribute to this subject. Come to India, live here for few years and then you will understand the ground facts. This forum is not about Khalistan, All Indians are not brainwashed by the Indian Govt, All Hindus are not working against Sikhism, MOST OF the green card holder Punjabis are just like people from Dubai or any other rich Islamic state who can do nothing for Kashmir problem except shout and give money to terrorist groups, Some who actually do something except talk are rare and much needed.
Dont talk theory... give a practical solution.
Prabhjot,
"Raj Karega Khalsa" does not mean Khalsa shall rule the whole world; rather it means Khalsa shall rule its legitimate lands. This includes Khalsa's own land where bulk of sikhs live and other lands that Khalsa occupies legitimately.
Any land that consents to the rule of Khalsa, even if it does not belongs to khalsa, is legitimate land over which Khalsa shall have authority to rule.
The verse "Raj Karega Khalsa" is very smartly written. This verse has not specified boundries over which khalsa shall rule, the reason being that there might be times when Khalsa shall be invited to rule in other parts of the world by free consent. So this verse is not too narrow to include only Sikhs own territory, nor is this verse too broad to include the whole world.
Simply said, this verse has not specified limits, therefore, only "legitimate territorial limits" could be assigned or imported to this verse.
But absence of terrotorial limits in the verse does not mean that one can import the phrase "the whole world" to it. To import such phrase will be inconsistent with gurbani doctrines as well as international law and morality:
Since Khalsa practices morality, khalsa shall rule only boundaries that legitimately belong to Khalsa. It is clear that the whole world does not belong to khalsa, it never will; there will always be different religions since the essence of God's creation is variety and difference. Therefore, there is no probability of world Khalsa rule being contemplated in this verse.
Gurus have never attempted to convert other religions into Sikhism.
Gurus have always practiced peaceful co-existence and true developement of all religions. This is supported by the fact that SGGS has bani of Bhagats from other religions.
Khalsa refers to that class of Sikhs who practice higher morals and rules of chivalry.
Such Khalsa shall rule over its own territory that legitimately, morally and as per rules of chivalry belong to them or which is given to them by consent or otherwise strategic for existence of the Sikhs.
This legitimate territory is the place where the bulk of Sikh society lives. It is this terrotory that belongs to them, it is this territory that is subject to foreign rulers in the past and at present.
Therefore "Raj Karega Khalsa" encompasses this legitimate territory, not the whole world.
Saying that Raj Karega Khalsa means Khalsa shall rule the world is very dangerous to the world peace; it shows expanssionist designs, and therefore threatens the world peace.
This interepretation is inconsistent with peaceful co-existence doctrine of gurbani in SGGS.
This interepretion spells conversionist designs, which gurus never had in mind.
This interepretation , therefore, does violence to the promise of gurus that "Khalsa shall rule" their own lands, not other people's legitimate lands.
Hence, your interpretation is inconsistent with gurbani. "Khalsa shall rule its legitimate lands", "not the whole world illegitimately".
To respond to the last poster: there are actually are Sikh women out there who find turbaned men attractive, and dare I say -- more attractive than men who are not turbaned. It's not totally accurate to generalize Sikh women as a group, saying that they as a whole do not want turbaned men.
Sorry, I did not intend to make a sweeping statement. I was saying that IF sikh women decide that they do not find turbaned men attractive, I side with them. In anycase, you are the only exception to the rule I have heard yet. I am yet to meet someone real (sikh girl) who does not dislike the idea of a turban!
As I said earlier, enough has been said about this topic (separate Sikh nation) here and on other forums/blogs. Whatever you have said provides no practical solution and is nothing but a repetition of one point which could be written in a few words.
You said: Hence, your interpretation is inconsistent with gurbani.
You are wrong. My interpretation is inconsistent with your interpretation. There is no way you are going to change my views with page full of theory which proves nothing
You said: Saying that Raj Karega Khalsa means Khalsa shall rule the world is very dangerous to the world peace
Do you really care about peace. In the previous posts you said
1.. Punjab has all resources in abundance. Why can't it be practical for Sikhs to have free nation state.
2.. You are a slave, Sikh nation is a slave nation, Sikhs are not a sovereign nation.
On one hand you talk about peace on the other hand you call us Indian Sikhs a slave and Punjab a slave nation. YOU want a separate Sikh Nation………….OK…………. Give a peaceful way to free us Indian Sikhs and make Punjab a free nation. If you can’t, please stop writing theoretical essays. We have plenty of them already. Everyone wants his own land and so do I, but my dear; words alone can't do anything, actions are needed and sadly you seem full of words
My original post on which you commented, says nothing about a Sikh nation. I will no longer waste my, and other reader’s time by debating on the issue of a separate Sikh nation.
Brother we should be constructive in out attitude.
To the anon who thinks that Sikh Girls don’t like Turbaned Sikhs so Harry should cut his kesh; understand this that a marriage has very less to do with looks in the long run. If looks was what guided a marriage then what would you say about Hollywood couples having divorces. I know that some girls don’t want turbaned boys……. But it has been said thousands of times that there are girls who want a turbaned boy as a husband. It’s just a matter of time that Harry finds a wife.
Prabhot/Ripu
Prabhjot, I am glad you have backed off (since you have no argument to disprove my interpretation).
When I say, Sikhs are a slave nation, I say empirically visible legal truth, and truth never breeches peace, it creates long term peace, not short term slavery.
Right to one's freedom creates long and durable peace; slavery produces short term peace as shown by short term peace in British and Mogal slavery eras.
Ripu, the Hinduised Sikh, who gave you the information that most of the posts here are from foreigner Sikhs.
And by the way, according to which law,, foreigner sikhs have no right to create their homeland in India (Gadar Party was a foreign party, Kartar Singh Sarabah, was a foreigner Sikh, who is India's hero, only because he died for India's liberation from the English rulers: Jewish Congress, which liberated Isreal was all based in foreign lands).
As I said earlier , you are free to stay in India to practice freedom of religion there, and visit your sikh homeland on visa OR vice versa, when it becomes a free nation.
"I was saying that IF sikh women decide that they do not find turbaned men attractive, I side with them. In anycase, you are the only exception to the rule I have heard yet. I am yet to meet someone real (sikh girl) who does not dislike the idea of a turban!"
Every Sikh girl that I have popped this question to has told me time and again that it is the person that matters, doesen't matter whether he wears a turban. I completely agree with the statement that "women who are loyal to their religion, community and family are the most beautiful of all women." So to the anonymous that said that he hasn't met any Sikh girl that likes turbaned Sikhs, maybe you need to meet some more girls before you start generalizing about Sikh women.
G Singh
women who are loyal to their religion, community and family are the most beautiful of all women
Does this mean that a sikh woman who chooses to marry a non sikh is disloyal to the community?
red when I kiss her
I wonder. How do sardars manage kissing?
comments on this blog makes me sick.
The question about sardars kissing is just silly! How do they eat? Or talk? Or smile? Or do anything else with their mouths? After all, a beard doesn't mean you lose use of your mouth!
Someone else pointed this out earlier, but discussion would be much easier if people could identify themselves in whatever way they like, name, initials, something.
G Singh
Prisoner of Dream, Mr Harry Ji,
Tuhade Prison term kadon khatam honi hai, Kite Umar kaid ta nahi ho gaye jo apne blog te tusi churlee chadne hi band kar ditti hai !
Je kaho ta tuhanu parole te bahar kadah dende han, tan jo tusi apnian churllian da silsila pher shuroo kar sako.
^
OMG! What the heack are you trying to say! Speak in English brother!
*Imeant to write heck!
hehe
Get real brother. Did you really expect someone to love a turban wearing sikh? Be grateful that people even tolerate your existence.
Such things are for normal people. you CHOSE to be abnormal, so live with it now.
I havent heard such racist crap in ages. What are you? some kind of a supremacist?
Hey Harry,
Do u really want to still write ur blog and make these people discuss CRAP!(these comments have nothing to do with ur topic) Give it a thought close this BLOG...
A
I am looking for a sikh girl for marriage. today the 5th girl turned me down for the turban reason.
long live khalsa ;-)
Is there anyone here who has been to Summer Solstice camp recently at Espanola, New Mexico? Or if you’ve never been on Gurmustuk’s blog at mrsikhnet.com, you’ll see how the people in that community live in unity, love, and peace. You’ll get a lot of inspiration from them see how people live in their everyday lives and still live happy lives. You’ll find their music very heart touching as well. Everyone looks very graceful in full banas. Eventhough I started practicing Sikhi a while ago, that’s where I get most of my inspiration from and I hope to God that one day he’ll grace me with Amrit as well.
S. Kaur
what utter trash..... sikh women not liking sikh men with turban is bullshit. I know too many who do.
sikh girl( who proudly dates a turbaned sikh guy).
here, here! (Sikh woman who is happily married to a turbaned Sikh guy).
when are u gonna update your blog Harry?
Harry will not update his blog anon, he is in Goantanome bay prison (of dreams).
You guys should plan some rescue mission or I will plan some bail hearing for him. Who knows may be he died of torture in that prison.
Hello Harry ji!
Was goin thru Ur blog...and I guess u have done a great job in letting Ur feelings out.
As far as my views are concerned about:
A) Turban wearing men:-...I agree with the 1st posts sent by Prabhjot Singh ji and specially with Puneet2 ji’s comments...Coz there are girls who r really looking forward for Turbaned Sikh guys. And by the word “girls” I mean both Sikh and non-Sikh women. I can say this because, one of my cousin is married to a girl who is a non-sikh...Where, families from both sides (boy and girl) inculcate and respect both the religion.
…..But, still my personal view…when in near future, when I plan to get married, I’d definitely marry a Turbaned Sikh...Coz that will keep my culture alive and proud to be a Sikhni
B) Secondly, about your loneliness:-....Don't get married if you are afraid of solitude.
Have faith in the Almighty…Your sanjog has already been mapped.
If Waheguru Ji gets you to it, He will get you through it.
Bhul chook maaf ji.
hello,
i jus read ur blog today.. i ve almost read the entire thing includin the comments.
some hve liked it. sme loathe it.
this is for the first time that i happend to read abt a sikh boys perspective..till date i thought its only us girls
who suffer from these dilemnas..
i mus say tht u articulate ur thoughts very well...
humorous,witty,lampoonic but it does strike a chord...plz continue writing no matter wat ne one says
hope babaji gives u wat u truly deserve, n m sure whn u get wat u really desire
u will truly cherish it (or her i mus say??)
as ppl who hve waited enough fr smthing know its worth..and ya by the way i m jus presuming
tht u r on a visit to india {wife hunting(no offence plz)}
as u hvenot updated ur blog fr quite smtime now..
good luck.. :-)
does it really matter tellin who m i :))..
ok .. i think i shld
a sardarni...who aint baised agnst turbaned sikhs
Post a Comment
<< Home