There goes my baby

My good ole' days were a week ago. There were times when somebody would just lovingly wrap her arms around me. There were times when I would carry someone up the stairs in my arms. There were times when someone would lovingly admonish me for driving slow and I would continue to do so just to tease her. There were times when someone would use my back as a pillow while studying. There were times when I did this and that but alas,those times are over.

C came over tonight. Or should I say, I convinced her to come over and study at my place since we are still friends. I thought maybe maybe there was still something salvageable. To use medical lingo, I was hoping that it was still a Full Code situation. I was prepared to throw the sink at it if I had to. Hell, I was not even opposed to a little mouth to mouth breathing if that would have made a difference. But to my dismay, it turned out to be a Do Not Resuscitate situation. I tried feeble attempts to revive the conversation about "us" but she remained steadfast and stubborn in her stance. I don't blame her. She is probably right in her own way but tell that to my heart.

She stayed for a few hours. We had some ice-cream for old times sake. But even the damn ice-cream tasted nasty. And then, it was time for her to leave. As a gentleman that I am, I walked with her to the door. We stood there for a few minutes making small talk nervously. I wanted to hold her hand and beg her to stay. I tried to read her mind by looking at her face. But her face did not betray any of her emotions. Nor did those green eyes. The same green eyes, which not in the very distant past, had been my best friends. I lifted my hand but stopped midway. It was too late. She had turned her back and had started to walk away.

I stood at the door watching her walk away. Every step that she took, I prayed that she would stop. I prayed that she would atleast turn around and exchange a final look, the look that would tell me some sort of indication that she still felt anything for me. The look, by which I would be able to spend the rest of my life with. "woh nazar jiske sahare mein baki ki jindagi goojar doonga".

But she didn't. She kept walking (some would say, briskly) and kept walking. And then she turned the corner and with that last step, she walked out of my sight and I am afraid, out of my life. The passage was brightly lit with pretty lights, the air was still and musty and I stood there wondering how things could change so fast. No answers came to mind. Like they say, American appliances don't work in Europe and I guess, Indian men don't work in America. You know, it is all about the "connection".

As I started to turn around and drag myself in, I noticed something on the floor. I bent down to take a closer look. It seemed familiar. "I'll be damned", I told myself. It was my darn heart. God bless my soul. The poor bugger was badly mangled but it was still beating. The rascal just won't quit. C had very skillfully dropped it on the ground as she was leaving, severing the final ties and sealing the deal. I picked it up and put in the refrigerator where it would lay healing, only for the next angel to come and break it.