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Sunday, July 23, 2006

Beyond Enemy lines

To squeeze the last drops of juice out of the "war" metaphor, let me say that I am trapped deep in the enemy territory of singlehood, waiting for a rescue. I can't say for sure that singlehood is entirely a hostile thing but I think I am bored of it. Anyways. I am now into the next stage of training of the perpetual learning process that Medicine is. I am back to working 90-100 hrs a week and I am enjoying it a lot. I am finally focussing on what I wanted to do and that is indeed a gratifying feeling. When I am at work, I am so preoccupied with things that I hardly have time to feel anything. The real problem starts when I get back home. Wouldn't it be nice if I were to come home, tired and flagged and there were a sweet little angel welcoming me back home with a smile that could send sunshine in the depths of the underworld?. Wouldn't it be nice if she were to put her arms around me and tell me that she was proud of me? And of course, wouldn't it be nice if she had rajma-chawal or chicken tikka masala all ready on the dinning table for us to enjoy a romantic dinner? Fool's paradise, you might say. But that is what keeps me going.

I know that my story is kind of stale and boring now. Heck, I am tired of thinking about it myself. But the problem is that there is this vacuum around me that I am sick and tired of. At times, there is this incredble urge that rises up inside of me to hold somebody's hand or to hug somebody. Especially, at times when I think of not so old times when I could actually do that.
I am trying to put this emotional fortress around me so that things and thoughts like these don't bother me. I know I will suceed coz there is just no other way around it.

Anyways, the quest for a wife goes on. My friends and family keep sending me pictures but I am not sure if I can ever fall in love with a picture. Time, distance and parental regulations make it difficult for me to actually know a person before I can say "yes". I really don't know how its all going to work. But I have faith in God and hopefully He will send my rescure soon.