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Monday, April 24, 2006

A Glass half full

Here is a rare opportunity for you guys to witness the rare utterance of positive words from a guy who is usually fixated at the empty half of the glass. I am a physican. I work with people all day long and hence I deal with their preconceptions, their judgements and their notions about somebody who looks so different than them. The other day, one of my patients told me this. She told me that the first time she ever saw me in the hospital, she told her mom that she hoped that I would not be her doctor. She did not tell me why she thought so but I and most of you can guess why. However, as fate would have it, I was assigned to take care of her. Now, after I have been taking care of her for the past six months, she told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. She told me other nice things about me and basically made my day.

The objective of this side-story is not for me to blow my trumpet or to tell you how special I am. That is already a well known fact. Just kidding. The point I am trying to make is when people judge other people merely on the basis of their looks or other superficial attributes, there is scope for much errror. I don't blame her for prejudging me. I mean look at me. Here I am, a guy with a beard and a turban in a post 9/11 world. I don't look anything like she had ever seen in her life and she was put in a situation where she was asked to put her life in the hands of a guy that looked wierd( to her). So, even though I am partly hurt (as I don't know how many other of my patients have thought like that about me), yet I can't complain because in the end she recognized the fact that I cared about her. Compare this to the other scenario. One of my non-Indian friends asked me almost in disbelief that how it was possible for me to find a non-Sikh non Indian girl to be by my side when Sikh girls (well, a whole lot of them) had even refused to me. It was hard for me to explain to him because even I don't understand it. True, my efforts had mostly utilized online matrimonial services but whatever. It is amply clear that Sikh women have similar or even worse preconceptions and prejudgements about turbaned guys as non Sikhs.

I am proud of my religion. Every weekend, I look forward to going to the Gurudwara because sitting there listening to the kirtan gives me the same pleasure i had when I lay in my mother's lap as a kid. Every time I bow before my Guru, I feel the loving hand of my Father tap me on my back. I meet other Sikh people and they all seem nice and friendly. I feel accepted and at home. But the moment I step out, everything changes. There is this dichotomy that I don't understand. Sikh women and Sikh guys who not only proudly choose to give up on their identities but ridicule those who don't. "Only clean-shaven JSM respond" is the predominant requirement. Everything else is secondary. The above story however is ample proof that if only people would take the time out to know somebody before dismissing them, they would know that most of their pre-conceived notions were so wrong. If only Sikh women would put in that effort, would they find out that guys they were dismissing as trash might actually be a piece of uncut diamond. Topaz can mimick trash sometimes.

Anyways, I have harped on this tune forever. I have cried myself hoarse but I don't know if it really matters. It is an eternal fight. People will always prejudge people like me and at every step of life, we have to fight against those opinions. The only thing that bugs me is: " Why do we have to do that with the people that are our own and who should have understood us better?"

46 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude! u are a doctor ($$$)and are not able to find a girl!
Man. I am seriously screwed.
I should get rid of that turban soon ;-)

4:30 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous errantking said...

It's an interesting dichotomy you bring up. The funny thing is, during the wedding ceremony in the Gurdwara, that same "clean-shaven JSM" will (and is expected to by both the groom's and bride's side) put on a turban and grow a beard (albeit trimmed) for the sole purpose of the religious ceremony, only to discard the turban and shave off the beard right after.

Why even bother with such a meaningless and token gesture?

5:07 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HALF TRUTHT

To "required clean-shaven JSM" I add "Born and raised in Canada, UK or America"

They may be called birthplace discriminators alongwith caste and creed dscriminators. White people were only colour discriminators but Sikhs are caste, creed and birthplace discriminators.

COMING TO HARRY'S HALF TRUE STATEMENTS:

Also Harry could have found a Sikh wife BUT he shoulld also tell people how many times his mother or relatives have introduced a RISHTA for him only to hear that popular "NO" from him. The fact is that he only reveals half truth, that is how many girls have rejected him, failing to add how many girls he has rejected or will be rejecting based on his OWN critaria.

5:26 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

getting a haircut today.
I am turbaned, ugly looking, and will probably make 1/5 of the money harry makes...that is, when I graduate.
I aint jatt also, neither born in the US canada.....
Why was I even born?

6:06 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harry,
I've been reading your blog since you dirst started posting, and till now have not made any comments. You write very well and I enjoy reading our posts. The problems you have faced are not only typical of young men with the turban, but also amritdhari young women. have met gusy out there who although they themselves adorn a turban, don't even want to know amritdhari women. But I'm not complaing though. Its just their loss. And also Harry, it would be interesting to know how many Sikh girls you've turned down and why?

Guru Rakha

6:47 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah, she is right. I have seen turbaned sikh men turn down amritdhari women simply coz they were amritdhari. way NOT cool.

I guess everybody is a bigot to some extent. I hope things were cleaner, but they are not.

your friendly neighborhood
Turbaned sikh guy.

6:59 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous givelove said...

Hey guys, today I was inspired to write the following at work.

If I didn't have this vehicle, the world would not exist to me.

How can there every be anything to fear? Unless I am attached to my vehicle and I believe that "I" only exist in the capacity of this vehicle.

Destroy my vehicle and I am dead?

Not if "I" do not live in this body!
My goal is to escape to the sanctitude of God's care, how can the ups and downs of human life ever affect me!

without the vehicle of the human body, how are the matters of human life of any concern to me. Yet in my daily life, that is all I am concerned with. Why do I seek that which is so fleeting and impermanent.

7:13 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yes, thatz why u should sell ur vehicle and buy a BMW.

7:37 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are there really a lot of guys like Harry out there? If so, where are they? I'm a Sikh female, and a doctor looking for a turban wearing guy. My parents are looking also.. they've been looking for 5 years!!!!

10:45 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You said,

"I'm a Sikh female, and a doctor looking for a turban wearing guy"

I am in North America-Canada, where are you ? What is your contact information?

You will be hearing wedding bells soon!

3:03 AM, April 25, 2006  
Anonymous Annu said...

Dear Harry,

I just found your blog today and truly enjoy reading it :) I am a white girl, born and raised in a white family in North Europe, who fell in love with a turbaned Indian-born and raised sikh. We've been married for nearly 2.5 years now, live in Australia where he studied, and I've never been happier. We always knew we would be happy together, however it was his parents and family who had grave concerns over how a gori girl could make a good wife. Well, I guess they are starting to relax a bit now, since we're still together and no divorce is about to happen :) I cook indian food at home and yes, I do most of the house chores, but he does help when I am busy with my exams or whenever I ask for help. When his friends and relatives come over, he always wants to prove them I am as good as any Indian girl, so he secretly sneaks into kitchen to help me, and then tells the whole world it was Annu, and Annu alone who cooked all this, and even made barfi! And oops, I was not allowed to tell anyone that he vacuum cleans the house on Saturdays :D. I guess the reason for us being so happy together is that we've both given up something, and adjusted, to make our relationship work. I get along with his family well nowadays, they appreciate my hard work as I look after the house and study to be a doctor as well (status symbol for them in india :))

I am yet to meet another white girl who has married a turbaned, religious sardarji (there are many of those married to a clean shaven guy) but I am sure they do exist :) So good luck with C, Harry! You can surely find a wife, just take your time. Sorry if this post has been kind of all over the place, I just got bit excited since the topic is close to my heart :D

3:54 AM, April 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear white wife of
her turbaned knight,

Can you pleaseeeeeeeee post a picture of you and your turban wearing husband so that turban loosing husbands have some inspiration from this picture ?

A picture speaks a thousand words so I request you to post a picture on this blog site. A picture will also be a proof of your statements and cast off any doubts of its authenticity.

The flaw lies somewhere else, but turbaned sikhs find flaw in turban.
Dispel this ttrend and be a hero. Post a picture. Thank you very much !

4:59 AM, April 25, 2006  
Blogger Nimrta said...

how about girls who cut their hair, never offended any turbaned boy and in fact respect them...

YET

feel tormented by them?

same thing huh?

5:59 AM, April 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harry have you tried meditation? It may be a good way or working through your issues.

8:08 AM, April 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

“If a problem has a solution, there is nothing to worry! If a problem does not have a solution, there is nothing to worry.”
Chinese proverb

"Hope for the best and expect the worst”.
Proverb

1:46 PM, April 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate sikh girls. period.
A turban wearing sikh.

3:38 PM, April 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love sikh girls.
turban wearing sikh. the guy above me isn't getting any ass - period.

Inawe Singh

8:19 PM, April 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

finally, we get to the cruz of the matter.

harry isn't sad that he can't find a wife because he's a turbaned Sikh, it's because he can't find a wife even as a turbaned Sikh doctor.

gawd, I was really wondering where this sense of entitlement came from, and now it's clear. For someone to have society, brown society, essentially worship him to have no Sikh girls interested in him has to be confusing. Maybe that's the C he's courting?

anyhow, first anon dude, don't worry. You're not screwed---Harry must have something else that's keeping Sikh girls away, even with the money and status that come with being a brown doctorsahib.

8:28 PM, April 25, 2006  
Blogger Harry Singh said...

Ok. The full half of the glass I was referring to was not the fact that I am a physician. I was talking about how it was possible for people to defeat preconceptions and prejudgements with a little effort and time. I do not feel any sense of entitlement whatsoever.

It is abundantly clear to me that no matter how much I try, it is almost impossible for me to convey my feelings. It may be getting closer to where I should just shut up and put up.

9:21 PM, April 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harry ji.
you are an excellent writer. please do not shut your blog down...

9:32 PM, April 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey..this is the first poster.
Really? I dont need to get rid of the turban?
here is what I have been told what girls look for
1.looks
2. money
3. status
4. sweetness
5. intelligence
in that order.

looks: Turbaned sikhs have the obvious disadvantage. Further, I have been rated by my friends(girls) at around 3/10, (4 if they are in a good mood).

money: I will probably never make as much as a doc does.

status: hehehe. who likes a grad student anyway? what about 5years from now? a nutty prof? maybe I should also change my career.

sweetness: god only knows what that is! I know that I dont have it.

intelligence: damn it! the most intelligent thing I ever did was to buy myself an iPod

I cannot fix anything except looks. Maybe I can move to a 5/10 if I cut off my hair and get rid of my turban.

9:45 PM, April 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

na dude, keep the turban and become a prof. Then you can have the sort of dream job where you're labeled only "mildly eccentric" for banging 21 year olds all year long...

what?

9:51 PM, April 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First of all, I must say that I am rather surprised by the diversity in the responses. I am a "clean shaven Sikh", I guess that will already strike a lot of preconceptions in people as Harry has said earlier. I have many friends that keep their hair and beards, infact one of my best friends is a turbaned Sikh guy who I have known for a long time now. Personally, I have tremendous respect for all the young Sikhs that keep their hair and beards. My main reason for that respect is their CONFIDENCE in themselves because these guys have made a committment to follow their own beliefs and are not influenced by outside factors, whatever they might be. Unfortunately, there are many who lack this confidence. I am someone that believes that one will always find someone that will be the perfect match for them, one with whom everything will click with. So my point is that you guys should believe in yourselves and not surrender.

10:31 PM, April 25, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whre is that lady doctor, whose parents are hunting for a trubaned husband for her ffor 5 years and couldn't find.

You have found me, am a doctor, an ENT specialist and I wear turban. Are you waiting for someone else to catch me and then complain to the world you have been looking for a turbaned husband for 10 years. OR are you waiting until you are close to grave:

"The grave is a fine place
But none I heard do there embrace"

This is a second request to my fair turban seeking lady ! Are you reading this ?

12:50 AM, April 26, 2006  
Anonymous Annu said...

Dear anonymous,
This is the white wife of
her turbaned knight :). I am currently working on our own blog and I promise, as soon as I get it started, I will tell you what it's called so you can see our photo yourself. Believe it or not, we do exist :)

2:54 AM, April 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

White Princess of the Knight in shining Turban,

I think its a courageous and innovative idea on your part to start a blog. However, since your pictures are particularly relevant to this particular blog, I think it is very important that you post a few pictures of both of you here also.

Your wedding pictures are relevant here because they promote the theme of this blog: Does turban affect an otherwise capable person?

In addition, how would I know the name of your blog? What if I miss this blog's one or tow postings wherein you mentioned the blog name? What if other readers of this blog miss your post?

Hence, I propose to Her Highness, the white queen of the King of the Singhs, to post a picture here also as the multitude of her honour's subjects await the arival of the desending white princess from the Blue heavens, but delay is only causing pain and anxiety among this multitude.

4:38 AM, April 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

let me rephrase...I hate smart, good looking and educated sikh girls.
Coz I have no chance with them :-D.
highschool pass should be good. I love you all!

7:50 AM, April 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is to the Poster who wants to get rid of his turban: Anon #1

1. Your Appearance:
Most girls don't mind a turbaned
guy...you just need to present
yourself properly. Look clean,
tie a nice pug,make sure your
beard is presentable and not all
over (believe me I've seen it!)

2. Money:
Who doesn't want money. I think
to some degree money symbolizes
your third bullet "status" and
to another degree security. I
say this because if you get
involved with someone and your
relationship was to take a
positive turn, your
partener would have to see if u
could support her and give her
some of the comforts of life.
Who knows maybe you'll be really
successful and be rich!

3. Status:
Ok status isn't everything but
it is important to some people.
It also doesn't mean that you'll
be doing the same thing for the
rest of your life. With
experience you gain knowledge
and who knows what doors that
will open?

4. Sweetness:
LOL I find this one funny.
Everyone has sweetness in them
even you, you just have to
aknowledge it!

5. Intelligence:
Everyone has a different def. of
intelligence. Stop putting
yourself down and be positive.

End Notes:
Be confident!!! Plus who knows...
maybe if you cut your hair you still might not be attractive. Then what? It's all about understanding. Be postive and you'll see that things will work out.
Good Luck with the turban,
Ms A in the UK

8:08 AM, April 26, 2006  
Blogger grey said...

Harry even more respect for you considering you are a doc!

10:13 AM, April 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah, giving up turban will probably not make me anymore attractive, but it will help-girls wont write me off altogether!

10:19 AM, April 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey "Wedding Bells"...

where in Canada are you? I'm in BC.

:)

10:17 PM, April 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Wedding Bells are in Ontario--a lot actually !

11:05 PM, April 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ontario Wedding bells calling the turban prefering BC doctor, please respond soon.

What your parents couldn't find in 5 years is NOW at your door step, why don't you welcome him !

4:20 AM, April 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude! u are a doctor ($$$)and are not able to find a girl!
Man. I am seriously screwed.
I should get rid of that turban soon ;-)

4:30 PM

I think this is AMRIT, sounds like him........and the tone of the statement also looks abit fAKE...he is trying to influence everyone and also trying to influence HArry to shut this blog for certain reasons



josh singh

6:20 PM, April 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ontario Wedding Bells... i don't really feel comfortable putting my contact information up on this site, so why don't you?

6:39 PM, April 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ontario Wedding Bell's contact information:sumeet999@hotmail.com
Thank you, BC Doctor.

10:27 PM, April 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BC doctor, Ontario Wedding Bells are calling you again and again, where are you; are you even reading this, why don't you respond; you know he has given you the contact information.

10:03 AM, May 01, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gawd dude, give it up.

10:25 AM, May 01, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehehe. lazy sucker. go register on a matri website

8:28 PM, May 01, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here you are Ontario Wedding Bells:
desirani@hotmail.com

6:21 PM, May 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That e-mail isn't rite

12:49 PM, May 04, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Ontario wedding bells" already responded to the email ID desirani 2 days ago, but now you are saying its wrong email address.

I don't know if this email address is wrong; only you can tell because it is your email address. As far as I know, the email didn't returned back to me, which indicates that it might be the right email address.

I am still waiting for your response to my email that I wrote at the address you gave me.

7:38 PM, May 04, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's not my email address. I didn't write because I've been very busy, and I don't check this website everyday. You're coming off a bit too pushy. I'll wait five, heck even ten more years if I have to. Sorry.

10:45 PM, May 04, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thats not 'pushiness'; thst only means you are wanted, desired,and accepted because of your love of turban,

That I think is a compliment; that in my view is a reward.

Acceptence is a great feeling; celebrate it !

Wedding Bells

1:10 AM, May 05, 2006  
Anonymous sikhjedi said...

wedding bells,

your showed your attraction way too early so you scared off the girl... women want the thrill of the chase... besides, she's one girl out of millions and you know nothing about her, just move on... next time, tease the girl and she'll lead you...

12:08 AM, May 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From Wedding Bells
to Sikhjedi,

Thanks for the advice. I make a note of it.

She should not be scared of my emotions as I have rewarded her "love of turban" by giving her "deserving love"--the love she earned. I have not expected anything in return. But if she wants more love, then my doors are still open to welcome her !

11:23 AM, May 17, 2006  

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