Site Meter

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Apples and Oranges

Years ago when I was a young boy, I had the dubious distinction of accompanying my mom to the sabzi mandi (Indian fruit and vegetable market). I remember how she would do this elaborate routine of choosing the best of the apples and oranges. She would pick the best looking orange up, turn it all around inspecting its contours in 3D. She would smell it and sometimes she would put it back with a frown on her face while at other times she would happily put it in her basket. The whole process intrigued me. Back home, nine times out of ten, she would be right. The apples and oranges she picked up would be really juicy and ripe. But then there would be that one bad apple that escaped her experienced eyes and would end up in the trash bin.

Finding a wife, by the arranged route, is kind of similar to the process of buying fruits and vegetables. Most of the times, you have 15-20 minutes to decide if the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is a bad apple or good. Unlike fruits, you cannot turn her all around or smell her. That would be weird. But if you are smart, you may ask her her a few soul-searching questions and hope that she would answer them honestly. Even so, there is so much you can do in 20 minutes. But like fruits and vegetables, nine times out of ten, you would be right. The person that you end up marrying would not be a nagging obsessive pyscho but really a cute little princess who would stroll around in the garden of your heart. However, there would be that one time when the whole marriage would be one big rotten apple with worms crawling out and gross stuff like that. So, generally the odds are in your favor. The question is: are you happy with those odds because if you are wrong, it is not the damn apple who is going to the trash bin, it is you and your life. To borrow a term from economics, I am a risk-averse individual. Especially when the stakes are as high as my life. Hence, I thought of trying to see if I could meet someone on my own and get to know her before taking the leap of blind faith.

On the other hand, the other route is not that rosy either. Because the first few months, people just can't help but pretend to be somebody that they are not. They are at their best behavior, they put on their best clothes and lazy suckers like me clean up their apartment or walk other people's dogs with a broad grin on their face. You know how it is. It is the natural way of things. C tells me that she would never marry anybody till she has been with him for a year and half. While that is a tall order, but I can see the logic behind it. It is only with time, that the initial euphoria dies and the true you comes in the forefront. And then when you really really know the other person, you can decide whether he or she is the one who you want to share your life, in sickness and health, in poverty and opulence and other sweet stuff like that. To sum up, in this method, you could literally touch, smell, even Xray the goddamn oranges and apples before you decide which ones you wanna take home to mama. You can still go wrong but then you don't have your parents you can put the blame on because the decision was yours and yours alone.

Anyways, my ramblings on love and ladies go on. The other day somebody wrote that we should strive to be better humans rather than focusing on disparaging others. I agree with that completely. Gandhi wrote: "You must be the change you want to see in this world." It is true that when you are an accomplished individual, you will invariably get the admiration and affection (of ladies) that you seek. The ladies will flock to a bigger better you. I have heard that story for about three years now. And it is my sad duty to report that it is not always true. More so, when your chief modality of finding a wife are online services like you know the names. Women make it amply clear there that they don't want turbaned guys and hence your proposal will be rejected no matter who you are or what you stand for. Call it bad luck or being at the wrong place at the wrong time or any other excuse, but that is the truth. I am all for self-improvement but unfortunately, life is not as rigidly governed by the laws of physics as the pendulum in the Science lab.

Last but not least, C categorically denies that she thinks I am cute when she is in a happy mood. She says that she thinks I am cute even when she is in a bad mood. Only that she does not say it. Also, she did not go to that party because she hates Asian hangouts but because she had other stuff to do. Give the poor girl a break. She is going through enough being with me. Be easy on my sweetie.

Disclaimer: There has been this idea floating around in the comments of an organization to help "crying Harrys" find a wife. Let me make it clear. The idea is that of the anonymous person and his alone. I am neither for nor against such an endeavor. I have known a lot of Sikh organizations way too well to know that most of them end up being either the personal kingdoms of a chosen few or get entangled in a quagmire of personal avarice. Anyways, this blog is my story and I have taken the liberty to extrapolate from my experiences to deduce that other Sikh guys have probably experienced similar things. I have said before that each of us is unique in our own way. You might have had a better luck with Sikh women that I have but do remember that if you are in a room with a giant Gorilla, there is little chance that you would miss it. That Gorilla, ladies and gents, is the dynamic change in our religion. Good or bad, who knows. But it is happening and it is difficult to ignore it.

17 Comments:

Anonymous PC said...

I am at work and had some idle time. I regularly read Gurmustak's Blog as he touches very relevant issues with regards to Sikhism. I saw that you offered to edit the blogs on Sikhiwiki and that was the reason I clicked on your blog...and was I addicted. You are almost as good as Vikram Seth. You could possibly write a sequel to "A Suitable Boy"... "a suitable girl". Any ways it was fun reading your blog. All the best to you and C. I am a Canadian and love the idea of your Maple Leaf. I am going to pitch that to my family and friends.
PC

1:59 PM, April 22, 2006  
Blogger Harry Singh said...

Thanks for your kind words. BTW, what is the deal with I offereing to edit blogs on Sikhiwiki?. I missed that.

3:02 PM, April 22, 2006  
Anonymous pc said...

dude I was reffering to this eh:
..........
"errantking posted at 4/21/2006 10:11:10 PM
Great ideas, Gurumustuk. This is why you're Mr. SikhNet. :) Maybe another idea is once you've identified the blogs you want to feature, you can use their RSS feeds (most should have them) to feature their headlines automatically on a page. That would be a great way to pick up content also see what's on the minds of Sikhs who are blogging as a group, and it would almost be like an online magazine.

If you need any kind of help in this endeavor, certainly let me know".
..........
If you are going to do something about this issue let me know I might be able to get a few buddies to pitch in.

3:25 PM, April 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To Harry,

RE: Organizations to resolve crying Harry Problem


You said,
"I have known a lot of Sikh organizations way too well to know that most of them end up being either the personal kingdoms of a chosen few or get entangled in a quagmire of personal avarice."

You must have also known,

- that nations were liberated by the organizations;
- that nations were enslaved by the organizations;
- that nations are RUN by political organizations; without them there would be anarchy and disorder;
-that many reformist movements had been successfully launched by the organizations, be it sikh or non sikh organizations;
-that the Sikhnet you are using is also an organization in which each organ/individual is responsible to play its own part;
-that even our human body is an organization of different organs and limbs that are being co-ordinated and supervised by the executive brain;

Why can't you see the flip side of the coin and how can you only mention the negative sides of an issue.

I noe that you have a problem of giving unwarranted "weight" to a negative aspect and ignoring the "positive" aspects either completly or giving them less weight. therefore your conclusions are mostly wrong.

On the turban issue, you give the negativity of turban "too much weight". There are other aspects also that weigh in or contribute to rejections.

I suggest you bring some sophistication in your judgements and consider all the aspects --negative and positive--and then

assign proper weight to each aspect before making judgements.

You cannot only say "oh I considered all the aspects, so my judgement is good"; you have to give "appropriate weight" to each aspect, if your judgement is ever found to be reasonably true and justifiable.

You are neither for or against organizations but the weight you give to the negative aspects and your complete failure to consider even one good aspect of organizations indicate that you have given undue/pessimistic weight to the negative aspects.

3:52 PM, April 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well.... u are looking at rejections from girls who are sikhs by birth, not by choice.
Because you chose to keep your turban, you are probably sikh by choice. So you should not have any issues at being turned down by those women...from their point of view they are better off with somebody who cuts his hair, and probably...so are you.

Yes, sikhism is changing rapidly, but our religion is already a bastardized version of the one that the last guru proposed.

10:12 AM, April 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

last comment, seems like you should watch what you say about our religion, maybe you are the b.

8:18 PM, April 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well. who are u kidding? Do you really think that you really follow what Guru Gobind Singh proposed? Ask yourself--- would u be able to stand up today and proudly claim that you are a true follower?
SIkhs today do all sorts of random stuff and then claim that they are sikhs. if this is not bastardization then what is it?
You are probably getting angry because u do not have the balls to stand true on sikhi....u feel the guilt, and project it on others.

8:38 AM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ask yourself--- would u be able to stand up today and proudly claim that you are a true follower?
yeah, i will proudly claim

mybe there are many bad apples around, but pls don't make such a generalisation
THere are many GOOD APPLES AROUND
you just need to look around and you will find them

josh

10:26 AM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A lot Sikhs who Gloat around the world that their Prime Minister is a Sikh , would't have been able to gloat had he been a cut surd, so is the case with the Montek sigh, and the army chief,,
I am not a Sikh( Hindu Punjabi, but go to the gurdwara ) and but have a few Sikh friends ,, Turban Guys.. None has an Indian GF Unfortunately . But they all have white or chinese GF's .. Looking at them I guess the Sikh Gene pool is actually getting better .. So harry forget the Sikh women ,, ur just doing fine with "C" ..

Nayyar

10:44 AM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol...this is good. somebody here believes that he is following the real sikhism. can somebody define that for me?

10:44 AM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the Anonymous calling Sikhism a bastrazied version of the original.

Let me ask you something. Can you prove your father is who you claim to be? Yet, it does not make you a bastard. My point is that during the time of Sri Guru Gobind Singh jee, there were Sikhs who would practice Sikhi as hardliners and there were who practiced it as being liberals. So is the case in today’s time.

On more thing. If you don’t have the balls to even try to follow something that Sikhism preaches, do not speak ill of the people who try to follow it by trying to practice it as best as they can.

11:55 AM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Sikhs who would practice Sikhi as hardliners"
Precisely.... I guess you are the one today.

2:36 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sorry for inflaming tensions here, but I still stand by my original comment about the bastardization of sikhism. May be I should have used a better word, but this one fits the current sikhi well. Over the course of 300 years, sikhi has picked up a lot of things which the guru wanted to avoid. A good example is photo worship from hinduism, hence the word bastardization. Another example is sticking to some form of the caste system in sikhs, hence the word bastardization. Further everybody twists religion to suit their own needs, and ANYBODY who claims that they are following the true form of sikhism are rightly fundamentalists, because what they are doing is simply following what THEY believe sikhism is---hence the bastardization.

Probably none of us follow sikhi as proposed by guru gobind singh- a good chunk of sikhs get rid of their hair and claim that they following sikhi in spirit. Some get rid of the other 4 k's and keep their hair, and claim they are following sikhi. Sikhs are notorious drinkers, whereas any form of intoxication is clearly banned in sikhism.

Who are you really kidding?
Do I feel sorry about using that word? Not at all, it is a truth, and we have to face it. Can you define your version of sikhi for me? If you can, can you define what is ideal sikhi? Do you strive to achieve it?
It is easy to get inflamed, it usually comes when we believe that we are following something, and refuse to face the truth. Illogical people do that.

Sorry if I hurt your feeling, brother, I still stand by my statement.

2:53 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You said anon "I still stand by my statement".

Here is my response:

You should say every religion on earth is the bastardised version of the original religion.

oR

You should say in every religion as in Sikh religion there are some who follow bastardised version and there are some who follow the true religion.


OR

YOU can say there are more followers of true religion in Sikhism than any oter religion (if you have some COMPARATIVE data to prove it).

THUS I would say that your statement is flawed as it does not take into consideration the true followers; that is, those Sikhs who do not believe in caste syastem and those who do not worship photo or idols.

Since your statement is false as a whole it is unacceptable. It does not represent the accurate picture os the reality.

5:02 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the Anonymous calling Sikhism a bastrazied version of the original.

You are right. You should be sorry. I think that you have not come in contact with some real Gursikhs. It is not your fault. May be at your home everybody believes more in bastrazied version of everything so they never taught you what faith is when you were growing up. May be you come from the family where you ve seen Sikhs getting drunk, worshiping the photos, and use the castes to catagorize people. But there is world outside of your small cirlce too.

Do you know what Guru Gobind Singh jee said on how to practice Sikhi… Enlighten us on that please. Tomorrow people like you will say that Sri Guru Granth Sahib is all false as you need proof that if it is the original version. People like you don’t ve the Guts to practice Sikhi, so they look for reasons to not follow it but critisizing it.

Let me tell you that the Sikhs who donot follow 4 K’s but have the 5th K, i.e Kesh, still have a chance, but people like you have nothin at all.

And one more thing… Sikhi tells us not to be Judgemental.. But I believe you are not a Sikh at all, so it doesnot apply to you…

9:18 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


"May be at your home everybody believes more in bastrazied version of everything so they never taught you what faith is when you were growing up. May be you come from the family where you ve seen Sikhs getting drunk, worshiping the photos, and use the castes to catagorize people. But there is world outside of your small cirlce too.

and who is being judgemental here?


Let me tell you that the Sikhs who donot follow 4 K’s but have the 5th K, i.e Kesh, still have a chance, but people like you have nothin at all.


A chance at what? Going to heaven? Being better humans? Are you claiming that "sikhs" who gave up kesh but kept the kada have a lesser "chance" than u at anything?

u think you are better than other sikhs because you keep hair(are you really one?)...does the lord shower you with better opportunities because you keep your gurus swaroop?

regards, an amritdhari sikh.

9:47 PM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the Anonymous calling Sikhism a bastrazied version of the original.

I just replied to all the judgements that you passed to all, other than yourself. I was trying to speak in your language. I appologize for that.

To me, Sikhism is not a law that has to be followed by any book of rules. It is all about how much Faith one puts into it. All I know is to have faith 100%, not just 70% or 80% or even 99.9%.

And taking Amrit does not makes anyone better than those who did not take that step. As it is said in Sukhmani Sahib… "Rehet Aavar Kuch Aavar Kamavat, Man Nahi Preet Mukho Gand Lavat". Most of the Amritdharis look upon others as they are inferior to ppl. who took Amrit. And this is not any judgement, I have seen it happening.

And I’m sacrificed to those who understand the real meaning of taking Amrit and lead a simple low profile life without pointing fingers at others, and instead inspire others with the life they lead. They don’t go out and preach to others. And I am sacrificed on those who try to walk the road prescribed by Gurus. At least they are trying… “Charan Saran Gur Eek Penda Jaaye Chaal, SatGuru Kot Penda Aage Hoye Let Hai”...

Your or mine being critical will not save this panth if you think it will. SatGuru is the one who will take this Panth to new heights.

Sevadar of Guru’s Fauj….

6:24 AM, April 25, 2006  

Post a Comment

<< Home