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Sunday, April 16, 2006

The Statistics of Love

Lately, there has been a fascinating discussion in the comments section on the application of statistical methods to the age old question of finding a wife for Hairy Harries of this world. While some of the mathematical theories that have propounded appear simplistic, the message is clear and grim. Some people have proposed that other attributes like intellect and handsomeness might be able to compensate for the turban and put people like me at par with their non-hairy peers. Others have drawn comparisons with other religions like Islam to justify the fascination of Sikh women with the non-hairy subspecies of Sikhs.

I do agree with some of the statements while differing with others. First of all, the non-turbaned Sikhs are not a sect of Sikhism like Shias and Sunnis are of Islam. They believe in the same fundamental beliefs of Sikhism but for their own special reasons have chosen to ignore a few rules. Most Sikhs would look upon them as renegade Sikhs if nothing else. I do agree with "Givelove"( a very interesting moniker) that the percentage of Sikh women who dig turban is astonishingly small.

All these statistical mambo-jambo was at work in a desi party this weekend in downtown Houston. It was a bhangra party and needless to say, a lot of people who boast of being Punjabis showed up in full force. Of course, they were sans the turban and other outward signs of their religion. Yours truly, on the other hand, was the solo turbaned person in the crowd. This is a not a matter of pride or embarrassment but just a statement. I am not afraid of standing out even though I am not outstanding (Well, C says I am). Anyways, it was a dark smoky atmosphere with the smoke emanating from all the cigarettes that were smoldering at the luscious lips of the bevy of Sikh ladies. Don't get me wrong. A lot of young Sikh lads were partaking in sucking the joystick as well. There was loud music and there were people gyrating to the tunes of bhangra and hip-hop.

Unfortunately, C did not accompany me to the party because of other stuff. I was in the company of my male friends who went in the hope of meeting somebody. The edifice of their hopes has crumbled several times in the past and this time was no different. A friend of mine wears a stubble of a beard and wears a baseball hat. The poor guy tried but failed. As did other of my friends. Most of them carried the burden of atleast one of the lethal trinity: fobs, bearded or partly bearded Sikhs and nice guys. The party was a window into changing times and the future Sikh generations. There was perhaps sampling bias but I would still confer some degree of validity to it.

To cut the long story short, I think turbaned Sikh men are an endangered species. Peer pressure and other things are just not in favor of the perpetuation of this species. I don't mean to sound nihilistic but I think I can read the writing on the wall. This, only reminds me of the Dodo bird. An indigenous species of Mauritius, the Dodo bird was wiped to extinction by the swift blow of changing times because the stupid bird just would not run away at seeing the hunter approach.

I might be a member of an endangered species but I don't want to be another Dodo.

29 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Non turbaned sikhs are a de facto, undeclared sect of the sikhs, who have different idenitty than the turbaned sikhs.

Shia and sunis also have fundamental similarity in that they both believe in Quran and ONE GOD.

Shias mourn the martyrdom of karbla whereas sunis don't mourn. Thats the dofference among other things. Shias believe in Ali's prophethood as well as Mohammed's, but sunis only believe in Mohammed's. There fundamental beliefs are similar in Quran and ONE GOD

Just like shia and sunee sects believe in ONE GOD and quran, both turbaned and non turbaned sikhs believe in ONE GOD, and teachings of SGGS.

JUst as some practices of shia and sunis differ, so the identity of sikhs with and without turban differ.

Shia/sunee sects are declaired sects or de jure sects; turbaned non turbaned sects of sikhs are sects in reality, de facto, but not de jure, or declared officially.

In practical life, de facto existance is more important than de jure.

8:40 PM, April 16, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harry - i like your stories; funny, interesting and your simplistic wrting style. i don't like your lack of confidence though. i think other less confident turbaned sikh men who read this blog may become like you and lose even more of their self-esteem.

i'm a turbaned sikh male(all the way) and think the world of myself when it comes to "pulling" the ladies. i've lived in various parts of asia and now live in the states. for all my fellow sikh brothers who think and are beginning to think like Harry, let me know. I'll be glad to send you all pictures of me with some of the hottest women you can ever imagine.

women don't care turban or not, though i won't deny people like us need to try a little harder only for the initial "pull" - but so what... it just makes it all the more satisfying when we seal the deal. all you need is confidence and believe in yourself that you look good and look beyond the turban - it's just a piece of cloth. below it, we have beautiful hair. women love it when i tell them i only show my hair to a few special people - all the more reason for them wanting to be one of the special ones...

brothers - be confident, it's true that we are losing our numbers - but don't you think that's what makes you unique? the last sardar standing would probably be the most intrigiung male on the planet - f--g! sexy no doubt.

harry, do you have testicles or are you hiding them beneath your hair? be a man - show them off.

Inawe Singh

8:47 PM, April 16, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Inawe Singh,

I agree with you. But don't worry about these weaklings.

They will not get any woman even after taking off turbans becasue they are ugly looking anyways. Rather than improving and removing their ugliness they will rather remove turban and still find them single.

9:39 PM, April 16, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"struggling sikh woman" - if you haven't realised, i call myself "in-awe" singh after reading one of your posted responses in the "kissed by a rose" blog... still waiting to hear from you.

10:02 PM, April 16, 2006  
Blogger Harry Singh said...

Inawe Singh,
Let us keep my testicles out of the picture. They are too precious and have been leased to somebody special.Profanity, while good for making an effect and being an emblem of Punjabiness, unfortunately is not an answer.

Please go ahead and post your pictures. For fun's sake. Show to the world your mettle.

11:19 PM, April 16, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My god Harry....
I'm a young women who lives in the UK and have seen a huge ammount of sikh men who have a pagri and a bread and I gotta say they look hot. Also I've been to Canada and there is a big number of Sardar guys there as well. I think in a state like Texas you may not find many Sardar's. I pity you. Go explore the world. There are more people and experiences that await.
Oh and please don't say that Sardars are becoming extinct because where I come from they are just growing by the day.
*Ms Anon in the UK

7:06 AM, April 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude u write so very well .. I don't know if ur an CS engineer or something like that .. get into journalism .. etc.. will do better !
But u take the turbaned sikh thing too far !! .. Yes there is Bias.. but not as big as u make it sound .. And yes I did go to a party too (Bhangra) in Atlanta and was the only Turbaned sikh there .. but then there werent many sikhs there .. nyways so cant make a judgement !

8:09 AM, April 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harry

Anyways, it was a dark smoky atmosphere with the smoke emanating from all the cigarettes that were smoldering at the luscious lips of the bevy of Sikh ladies. Don't get me wrong. A lot of young Sikh lads were partaking in sucking the joystick as well.

This statement is so incorrect. You all are neither Sikhs nor Hindu. Sikh women and men don't smoke, drink, or use any other kind of intoxicants. Next time think twice you make statements like these. These people are definitely not Sikhs.

10:18 AM, April 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

harry puttar....yeah, they are a different religion- everybody lives his own religion.
The idea is to find someone as compatible with you as possible.
Perhaps someone who goes to the gurudwara often?

10:25 AM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Sifar said...

I dunno what world you live in. I ve seen so many turbans in US and Canada. So we are not going to be like Dodos as we are the Hunters, not the Dodos.

7:17 PM, April 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ms anon in UK,

God bless you for decerning hotness under Smoooth Dastars and clean fresh Beards.

Mr anon in Canada

8:11 PM, April 17, 2006  
Anonymous Mrs.Singh said...

I agree with some of the comments that perhaps you are in an area which sadly doesn't have many 'visible Sikhs'. I lived in a southern state as well Harry and bumped into my future husband one day whilst he was travelling from the UK We grow in our love each and every day, and the first thing that attracted me to him was his saroop, his beautiful beard and neat turban, his almond colour skin and deep brown eyes. Believe me, it was tough for me as well, I was the only woman (!) where I lived who covered her hair--full time with a scarf/putka. I didn't think any Sikh men where I lived would dig that or understand me, but I realised it made me feel graceful and confident, I never felt less than the other girls and in fact my hubby basically had to fight it out with some locals for me :P

Good luck with your adventures and remember keep your head high, you're a HANDSOME Singh after all :)

1:37 AM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Harry,

I am a Malaysian Sikh who was looking for a Turbaned Sikh man HIGH and LOW for a longggg time.

I found my Knight in shining turban 2 years ago and we got married last July. My hubby agrees with your views completely and wants you to know that you are not alone.

The reason I am posting a comment here is to assure you that your time too will come and not to give up and trust me Turbaned Sikh Men are HOT HOT HOT :)

2:15 AM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the compliment
Mr Anon :)
*Ms. Anon in the UK

7:09 AM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

' Anyways, it was a dark smoky atmosphere with the smoke emanating from all the cigarettes that were smoldering at the luscious lips of the bevy of Sikh ladies. Don't get me wrong. A lot of young Sikh lads were partaking in sucking the joystick as well.'



Yeah I agree they should not be called sikh ladies, more suitable to be called punjabi gals...................coz sikh gals are more suited for those who follow sikhi in a more rigid way......................

10:53 AM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, Malaysian Sikh woman,

Can you write me at summet999@hotmail.com

I have to ask you something personal/private.

Thanks

2:37 PM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Malaysian Sikh woman,

Please correct the address sumeet999@hotmail.com

Sorry I spelled it wrong in earlier post.

Once again thanks in inticipation of your email.

2:39 PM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, Ms anon in UK,

You are so welcome. Would you like to communicate ? I do. Lets excahnge emails.

Mr Anon in Canada

2:47 PM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harry dear... it is fascinating to see your personal development from yearning to contentment, and this site morph into a potential love connection for others...

can we skip the "lads sucking on joysticks" bit next time though... some mental imagery is best left consigned to the dustbin of cyberspace...

4:37 PM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha,
That's sweet. I do accept but I don't kno if I want my e-mail address where everyone can get to it.
*Ms Anon in the UK

5:01 PM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi,
Ms anon in UK.

I give you an idea. You can give me a phony email address and I will email you my email address there.

Once you get my email address on that phony email address of yours then you can give me your email address in all the privacy.

So the first step for you is to create an email address that you will never use again.

Thank you

Mr Anon from Canada,

6:38 PM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Anony... Fm Canada,

Show some guts and give out your email address instead. She can write to you and may be you will get many more who will like to write to you... lol

6:58 PM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ms Anon in UK
Here is my phony email gunroop@yahoo.com

11:50 PM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your a stupid idiot! Why does the issue of love/ladies always dominate ur blog? I know man has needs but thats all you talk about. If you put that much effort into ur sikhi, u will prosper!!

3:57 AM, April 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harry,
you said that "C" didn't want to accompany you because she had other reasons. Could it be she doesn't like Asian outings other then going to an asian resturant and just made an excuse? It seems like that to me.

6:31 AM, April 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Harry,

Ive been reading your blog for the past month or so and Im always amused by your latest escapades.

However, just to cast another perspective upon your reflections, have you considered that you are not the only "sub group" of the sikh family that feel lost and has almost given up finding a sikh mate?
Let me tell you that my "sub group" of female sikhs with cut hair feel "discriminated" just like you.

Ive had many chats with turbaned males and they all seem to have the perception that a sikh girl who cuts her hair MUST be a "bad girl". It is as if cutting your hair also means you go out and get drunk every weekend, smoke, do a bit of drugs on the side and engage yourself in frequent sessions of bedroom bhangra.

To tell you the truth Im sick of it. I would never turn down a guy who showed interest in me because of a turban but it seems like a turbaned guy would never consider me possible material as my hair is cut.

Of course not all turbaned guys think that way, Im merely stating my experiences.

It's just sad that Im being cut out of their "options" because of the hair? At the end of the day I guess it all comes down to what you truly in your heart believe is a sikh.
To me being a sikh has nothing to do with wearing a turban or not (please dont shoot me!). I know enough turbaned sikhs (both men and women) who follow the five K's to perfection though they dont lead a truthful and honest life. They make a bit of black money on the side, they do scams to get their family members from India settled here and they dont for one moment believe that "all are equal in the eye of God".

Ooooh the stereotypes are really being tossed left and right here!

Anyway Im not sure what my point was with this comment. I guess I just wanted to let you know that it's not only turbaned guys who feel discriminated or left out.

That being said, it seems everyone that comment on your blog are of the opinion that you my friend are a great man. A funny, intelligent and aware man. You will be ok.

All good comes to the ones that wait.

:)

11:31 AM, April 19, 2006  
Anonymous givelove said...

In the times of Mughal rule, the value of your saroop was clearer. To keep your identity must have meant that you were willing to stand for religious freedom in the face of adversity, basically willing to sacrifice the benefits of cohersed conversion and risking your life in the process.

And today, what is the force that is able to make a Sikh give up the identity? It is in fact amazing. Amazing b/c nobody is threatening your life. The messages are subtle, slowly they tear you down if you are not aware. And then one day you may hate yourself, wondering who is torturing you. Who is it? Where are they? It is not a single person. The power you are up against is much larger than you can imagine.

Driving along the freeway the billboards tell you about the fun associated w/ holding a Budwiser. At home, the television reveals the types of girls you should desire to be with, how you should act, what you should wear. They want to shape your desires so that you hopefully embrace your destiny as the powerful consumer.

If I am correct in my understanding, some of the goals of Sikhism are overcoming attachment to material wealth(maya), realizing that our time on earth is limited, and remembering your creator. Remembering your creator to make your life better, I guess to keep you centered and humble, to help you overcome your ego(haumai).

Everyday is a challenge. The challenge of confronting your appearance is another such challenge. Will turbaned Sikhs be able to overcome the pressure to conform? I'm amazed when I see them succeed b/c they have confronted such a powerful force and somehow come out on top(given that they don't have residual psychological problems). Yes, that is truly heroic. To stand for something when it is not so popular or the trend. To be a symbol of religous freedom.

But most of the time none of the above stuff matters if you feel you can't love yourself. Find the strength to love yourself despite the messages that are sent your way...and you will have conquered a significant portion of the challenge of being human.

6:07 PM, April 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Givelove:
You made some very good points. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

6:35 AM, April 20, 2006  
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