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Monday, March 27, 2006

Scalded from within

First of all, I am very happy to report that I have officially completed my first cooking exercise successfully. One of my friends (thanks L) had suggested that it would be a great idea if I were to bake a cake for C. You know it has that touch of personal effort that would hopefully make her feel special. And she assured me that it was not that hard a thing. So, I took her advice and went to the grocery story and brought generous supplies. I also enlisted the help of two of my other friends who were kind enough to render it. We drew up a few diagrams( from the best shape of the cake to the coordinates of the letters of her name), brain-stormed the whole idea and we argued passionately about the color of frosting and the font of the letters. We then came up with a plan.The plan was to bake two cakes sequentially-one as the primary weapon and the other as the backup. So there we were. Three clueless guys (some more than others) tryong to raise the dough so that one of us would fall in love. Brothers in aprons. With remarkable stealth, I was able to sneak in a few drops of love potion extracted straight from the oil fields of moi heart. Suffice it to say, everything went perfectly (to our surprise). C says she loved it and I blushed when she said it. Of course, she would not share her cake and so I had to go back and split the backup cake with my buddies. No complaints. It is all good.

Now, to other issues. Last time I mentioned one of my friends who had a bad experience in his love life. The poor guy had been married for a year and a half. An arranged marriage. Just what the book says. Two Sikh youth tied in Holy matrimony. Except that it was not a happy marriage. For whatever reasons, it did not work out. And during one of the arguments, she told him that she had actually never wanted to marry him because she never wanted to be with somebody with a turban and a beard and the only reason she did so was because her parents forced her to do it. My friend had a knife slice through his heart and his soul. He did not say another word and left the house. They have now been seperated for a year with a divorce in the works.

My friend is a strong guy and he has endured everything well. That is such a crappy way to end a marriage. I know when people fight, they say nasty things to each other to hurt the other even though they may not mean to do it. But then again, it was something that had been brewing inside of her for a long time and then when it came out, it did so with an explosion.

His story has only increased my disenchantment with arranged marriages. How can I be sure that the sweet looking girl that I will be marrying after knowing her for 30 seconds is not going to tell me two years into a marriage that she married me under pressure? There is no way to know that and that send shivers down my spine.

Marriage and religion, for Sikhs are intertwined in a complex nexus. More and more of us are rejecting others because of turbans and pagris blah blah blah with utter disregard to the real person within us. We are too caught up in issues that should not be given too much importance.
The whole thing makes me want to puke but I know that is not going to help anybody.

When I was baking the cake, we kept poking a knife through the cake to see if it was baked or not. I wish we could do the same thing with our religion coz although the cake was not scalded from within but I am afraid that we, are getting charred from inside out.

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

harry veerji.
ki yaar! u always look at the negative things. there are 100s of successful marriages between turbaned sikh men and very very normal and amazing sikh women. A big chunk of them are arranged- its a non issue it seems. Sure, when you are in the dating business, you will meet people who will have strong preferences.
Dont let these negative feelings take over. Chuck them out of your head. They seem silly when you belabor the point.

Go to sikhnet.com (I did) and found some really nice people there. Yep, some very good looking successful sikh women who are looking for TURBANED sikh me.
take care

1:09 PM, March 27, 2006  
Blogger Angad Singh said...

Veerji..

we all know we may never wake up tomorrow..we all have the fear of dying..but do we stop enjoying or leading a life in the fear of dying..

come on veerji..not every girl is tt bad..do aardas as for guru to guide you..take a hukam..see what he gotta say to you..

chill

6:34 PM, March 27, 2006  
Anonymous FT said...

Hi Harry Veer Ji,

I'm sorry to hear of your friend's bad experience. That must have been heart-breaking.

I am non-Punjabi, so I cannot speak from personal experience on arranged marriages. But, judging strictly from what I've heard coming from a number of Indians I've met and got to know over the years (both Sikh and non-Sikh), I get the impression that both arranged marriages and the "dating game" have their set of advantages and disadvantages. I've heard both happy-ever-after stories and broken-heart stories from both types of marriages. I've come to the conclusion that there is no "perfect" method of finding a marriage partner.

Since you have both options open to you, if things don't work out with C, I would recommend keeping your options open for both types. You just never know where your lifetime partner will come from.

Regarding turbaned Sikh men--although I'm not Punjabi, personally I find the turbaned Sikh look to be very attractive. Maybe I'm an exception, but I would imagine if I find them attractive, there must be many Sikh women who do too. Keep your head up, and don't give up!
(-:

8:40 AM, March 28, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find confident, turbaned sikh men attractive. I find any confident man attractive.

10:08 PM, March 28, 2006  
Blogger grey said...

hey man ... that was the best post ever....really loved it!

5:09 AM, March 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am finding that searching for a wife is very frustRATING and a big pile of BS.

I am so torn between the arranged and date method. They are both viable options but could both blow up in your face.

I don't know, it just seems easier to head to the pind and find a good women. I find girls here are so flimsy, but so are guys and so is the pind.

My point being Harry is I feel what your feeling. You are not the only one on the search, I am also, it just seems so useless, but there comes a time when the fire starts to burn and there is no turning back.

I agree then they don't agree. They agree then I don't agree. Is it so hard to just find someone you are comfortable with and no strings attached. I am starting to hate to attend peoples marriages and engagements. Everybody seems so happy but me. Why is everything such a struggle?????

May God pls help us!!!!!!!! I really wonder sometimes if he is really listening to my prayers. On the other hand I always wantthings right away and have to learn patience.............what a catch 22.

I just feel like shouting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:01 AM, March 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr Singh.
You are an excellent writer, I admit that. But, unfortunately, I have to say that you literally suck. Have some confidence man!
you are always, always cribbing about your turban. there is more to life than turbans and beards. Everybody knows that. If you are only finding women who dont like you coz of that, either all the women you meet are shitheads, or something is wrong with your personality. I guess that something is your confidence. Accept who you are, and never let it come in your way of leading a full life.
chak de phatte!

11:09 PM, March 29, 2006  
Blogger Harry Singh said...

Well, my writing seems to be all Greek to you,Sir. I am with a very special girl now. Thank you very much.

I am who I am. My opinions are not on my or anybody's success with women but a commentary on changing views among Sikh youth. Sometimes it is better to step back and look at the bigger picture.

Phate already chake ja chuke

11:38 PM, March 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep Blogging Harry!
This turban and beard issue is a real one and very few people have the guts to talk about it.

Just to add my two pence worth: you often hear the argument that it does not matter whether you wear a turban or not---it is what inside that counts. Well, most people actually care a great deal about their appearance and the appearance of those they associate with. If it were really true that appearance, etc were unimportant, there would be alot more diversity in how people dress. By and large we humans are indulging in hypocrisy, when we say appearance is not important.

Anyway keep on blogging. The fact that quite a few Sikh women have issues about dating/marrying turbanned Sikh men is worth talking about. The narrow-mindedness and hypocrisy that surrounds this issue is well worth addressing.

12:27 AM, March 31, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey dude.

I want to know from you the name of your friends wife (if you know it), because I think I know that person and have heard a different story from her. Is the name Pra**pr**t

9:20 PM, March 31, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a turbaned sikh. I catch women's attention but not for long. They approach me and most want me to approach them.

The fact to which i have to agree to as a man is that i am a shy guy and i lack confidence. I have never asked a girl out all my life and i am a 24 year old. On the contraire i used to receive scores of valentines cards from girls but i decided not to acknowledge because i lacked CONFIDENCE to approach them. Same way in Africa they say what a night the marriage night but can you show your family your face because everybody is aware what you did last night. When a girl showed her appreciation for me i was too blushed or we can say even outrageously shy to getting back with my feelings. Time passed and i never had a girlfriend in my life.

Lets talk university life. I started University on the basis that i will mix with girl because as an Australian born i am caught between two cultures. AGain i remember several girls finding me ridiculously annoying because i never read their signs. I did read their signs of "COME AND SAY HI YOU BAZTARD" but i lacked the one and only CONFIDENCE.

Now everything in this post is 100 percent true and let me add that again in university i was approached by scores of girls seeking my companionship and love. I was a quiet, shy and a guy that loved closure and lacked CONFIDENCE.

Finally girls that couldnt take it anymore sent signs beyond imagination. First i dont consider myself very goodlooking and take all this hulla baloo of seeking a girlfriend too monterrey. i lack CONFIDENCE. And friends on this site do know the fact that lacking confidence is a mans worst enemy to find love.

But again i have seen amazing looking women both in love and arranged marriage with Turbaned men/. let us not generalise anything. In my case girls came. i was stupid and now the time is gone. i am busy working 24/7 and have no contact with any girls. Andwer to this eqaution is this.....


Gurjeet(me) - CONFIDENCE = arranged marriage ...and depression for both to be wife and me

on the other hand if i was Confident

Gurjeet + Confidence = Love marriage ....and a happy and full life with my choice of girl



In conclusion the girls that approached me were persians, Sikhs, Indians, Afghans, whites and all others... Because of my lack of confidence and inability to not shy away i became a loser...


NOW I CRY

7:39 AM, July 26, 2006  

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