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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Lessons Learnt

Getting dumped is not a good thing. If not anything else, it is certainly not good for your heart. I wish they had come up with a good painkiller to take the pain of a broken heart away. Till they do that, I will have to keep enduring it. Anyways, it is not that bad. I think C has been right all along. I was seeing smoke where there was no fire. In a rush to discover "chemistry", I was pouring forth chemicals left, right and center. It was only a matter of time that I had to be burnt. The other mistake was the "honesty" angle. It seems like I never learnt from Jerry McGuire. Like him, I think I ate a bad sandwich and voila, I developed scruples. When she told me that she hated liars, that statement stuck in my heart like a flag-pole. Everybody has a few skeletons in their closet. When girls ask you about those, it is never a good idea to open the closet door. They will never like it. I am not proud of everything I have done. But certainly, I do not deserve to become an "untouchable" for it. Anyways, it is a lost cause now. When two people are struggling to have a conversation, the writing on the wall is loud and clear:" It ain't gonna work out". At the end, I would still like to thank her for giving me so many happy memories. I extend warm wishes to her and hopefully when our paths cross next, both of us are with our partners. Now the lessons:

1. Companionship and affection are worth the pain they engender. The last few days had turned my life upside down. An eternal bachelor that I am, I actually started thinking about responsibilities and working to make somebody else happy. I am not a morning person. But it made me happy to wake up an hour earlier so that I could give her a ride to work. She never asked me for it. I just felt like doing it and I enjoyed doing it. There were other small things here and there which I thought would probably make her happy. It is as if we have it hardwired into our psyche. When you care about somebody, you start thinking about that person more than you think about yourself. This is not peculiar to C but I know I will have probably done the same for anybody else too. It was indeed a satisfying experience. So, I know that I probably should not be afraid to give up my freedom. The shackles of marriage are cast in velvet and not in steel.

2. Dating is a tough cookie. I was fed up with the whole arranged marriage fiasco and thought it was probably a better idea to fall in love with somebody before actually marrying her. Well, I don't know if that is kosher either. Dating does involve a fair degree of emotional investment and when somebody is reckless like me, that investment is actually substantial. No doubt one could recover from it. But I don't know if I have the stomach for this ride. One day you are at the top of the world and the next moment you can taste the sand in your mouth. It would be nice if people could express their feelings upfront. But usually they save all the bile for the last minute and then it is not as much fun. So, I am reconsidering my decisions. My friends tell me that this is the least conducive moment to decide that but I think maybe it is the most propitious. Maybe now I can make a decision that otherwise would take me for ever. I am thinking strongly about going back home and marrying the next girl my parents want me to marry. We will see how that goes.

3. Honesty is not the best policy.

4. It hurts too much. I hope the balm of time starts working quickly. I wish I could take a strong laxative and purge myself of all the crap I had loaded unto myself. Sometimes I think I should call her. But I know that it is a lost cause. I think it is best to do what I have always done. Study, work and pray. I know I will climb out of the hole. Hopefully, it is sooner rather than later.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nobody in this world love liars. Honesty still is a best policy. Falling in love takes time for both female and male. No two individuals on this earth are same. Yes! you can develop feelings for somebody very quickly. It does not mean that it will replicate for the other person.
The real world is not Hollywood/Bollywood. Always keep that in mind.
Get over this chemistry thing!
Dumping sometimes can be fun. It will make you really look inside your own heart.
Long time ago my dad told me that I should be spiritually, financially, and emotionally independent. After I accomplish all this- than only I should look for somebody else.
Only you can complete yourself!
and only time can heal broken heart ( I don't even think your heart is broken!)
Arrange marriage or getting another date will not heal your broken heart!

7:03 PM, March 09, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't THINK you really learnt any lessons from this experience.
We always clap with both hands!

7:05 PM, March 09, 2006  
Blogger Angad Singh said...

Dont worry paaji..its all part and parcel of dating..

11:01 PM, March 09, 2006  
Anonymous Hari said...

Dude, I am a Sardar and went through something similar. To some extent, alot of guys of all races etc go through it.

When I was around 21 or so,I used to wonder what it takes to get laid...not just once every 3 months or so, but to get laid alot. I had no interest in a relationship.

I used to wonder whether the turban is a problem...what about the beard (I should mention I had a short beard back then) and so on.

In the end, it is just a matter of practice. If you want to get some action, you have got to get around.

You can pick up women in all sorts of places...trains...buses...just walking down the street, places where u do yoga, the gym

U just have to relax and try a little....and the more u try the better u will get. Girls can be so easy...which is just great! Exactly what many guys want.

One more thing, don't think about it so much, just do it.

And as far as indian women go....remember most women in the US are not indian...and after some time, you will appreciate that!
Indian women can be tricky.....the dating scene is far easier with non-desis. The indian girls I went out with were such a pain. There is the caste thing, the turban thing, the 'what do my desi friends think' thing and so on.

Anyway, I love your blog. And keep at it.

Whether it's a relationship you seek, or some random action, you will get it. But only if u try.

4:33 AM, March 10, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"U just have to relax and try a little....and the more u try the better u will get. Girls can be so easy...which is just great! Exactly what many guys want."

NO! Girls are not so easy at all. In your case just one fool was sleeping with another fool. It is men ( some like you) who are very easy!

"You can pick up women in all sorts of places...trains...buses...just walking down the street, places where u do yoga, the gym"
I really hope your mother and sister are not get picked in trains, buses, supermarkets etc.

6:34 AM, March 10, 2006  
Anonymous Hari said...

Yep, I was pretty easy-if I liked a girl.

And if my sister meets some guy in some place, that's fine by me.

Not sure about my mum though!

9:36 AM, March 10, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buddy Hari!
keep your mind open. Your mom has right to get laid more often too! not just you!

2:25 PM, March 10, 2006  
Anonymous Hari said...

Ha, ha...well I was hoping my Dad would take are of my Mum ;).

I think married people should stick to their spouses....not that they always do.

2:50 PM, March 10, 2006  
Blogger Mogli said...

aw come on harry! its a part of the game. you take your chances, you win some, you lose some. Learn your lessons, move on. there are 100s of extremely nice sikh women out there, you just might want to broaden your horizons. Consider sikhnet.com, its good I hear- there are a lot of highly educated and nice people who are looking.

chardi kala
Mogli of the Jungle.

1:05 AM, March 12, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok..i am sikh woman...a struggling one. i do find Sardars/Singhs attractive but i feel like that they dont like me cuz i am too western looking and cut i cut my hair.

As a sikh woman who likes sikhs men with turbans this is my advice to you guys looking for nice ladies to marry or get to know:

Have confidence! no offence to black men, but white women and other races are getting with black men only because they have confidence. blacks know they are not accepted or attractive but due to their tough history they have created such confidence, even arrogant confidence, that all the women want them now, almost all of them. Point being, that women want men with confidence, doesnt matter what you looke like. Dont be too shy or too nice, be A MAN as God made you. Your Turban and beard should be your pride because you have the gutts to have them.

see sikh/punjabi girls like non sardars is simply understood like this: all ppl follow the majority. these girls dont get to see sardar heroes or supermans, or models, so they dont have any way to really know if they are attracted to you guys. (thats one reason why need our own country)
you guys are like rare gems, but your value is not yet understood becasue our ppl have become blind. and no matter what, you should never want a girl who wants you to change yourself, because your only priority is to satisfy Guru ji.

again...dont ever make a girl feel like she is soooo great...let her come after you..she will only do this if she sees your confidence/intelligence/masculinity. also i think you guys should think of actually getting cut haired girls to understand sikhi...through patience and education. they need guys like you to help them out...dont change for them but instead change them/us.
also i think all sikh guys born and raised in the west need to go to punjab atleast one or twice to really get an idea of how confident punjabi/sikh men really should be, because men in punjab have confidence.
sikh men need to become leaders and proactive only then can you guys begin to change things for yourself and the future generations of sikhs. there was a time when women of india used to beg to marry singhs, but singhs refursed because they had bigger priorities. just a decade or so ago, women wouldnt even look at a cut haired sikh cuz to cut hair was concerned just a unmanly, unattractive act. i remember just in the 80s every kid in punjab wanted to have a jura and couldnt wait to wear turban and women of that time and earlym mid 90s didnt want to marry unless it was with a Singh/sardar. so times change, ppl change and fashions change, but singhs dont. there will again be a time when sikh women will find only their sardars attractive but until then the sardars/singhs have to be strong and confident. your confindence should be felt by everyone in your presence.

its late here so i should go now..but hope i made some sense.

thanks

4:47 AM, April 07, 2006  

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