Lessons Learnt

Getting dumped is not a good thing. If not anything else, it is certainly not good for your heart. I wish they had come up with a good painkiller to take the pain of a broken heart away. Till they do that, I will have to keep enduring it. Anyways, it is not that bad. I think C has been right all along. I was seeing smoke where there was no fire. In a rush to discover "chemistry", I was pouring forth chemicals left, right and center. It was only a matter of time that I had to be burnt. The other mistake was the "honesty" angle. It seems like I never learnt from Jerry McGuire. Like him, I think I ate a bad sandwich and voila, I developed scruples. When she told me that she hated liars, that statement stuck in my heart like a flag-pole. Everybody has a few skeletons in their closet. When girls ask you about those, it is never a good idea to open the closet door. They will never like it. I am not proud of everything I have done. But certainly, I do not deserve to become an "untouchable" for it. Anyways, it is a lost cause now. When two people are struggling to have a conversation, the writing on the wall is loud and clear:" It ain't gonna work out". At the end, I would still like to thank her for giving me so many happy memories. I extend warm wishes to her and hopefully when our paths cross next, both of us are with our partners. Now the lessons:

1. Companionship and affection are worth the pain they engender. The last few days had turned my life upside down. An eternal bachelor that I am, I actually started thinking about responsibilities and working to make somebody else happy. I am not a morning person. But it made me happy to wake up an hour earlier so that I could give her a ride to work. She never asked me for it. I just felt like doing it and I enjoyed doing it. There were other small things here and there which I thought would probably make her happy. It is as if we have it hardwired into our psyche. When you care about somebody, you start thinking about that person more than you think about yourself. This is not peculiar to C but I know I will have probably done the same for anybody else too. It was indeed a satisfying experience. So, I know that I probably should not be afraid to give up my freedom. The shackles of marriage are cast in velvet and not in steel.

2. Dating is a tough cookie. I was fed up with the whole arranged marriage fiasco and thought it was probably a better idea to fall in love with somebody before actually marrying her. Well, I don't know if that is kosher either. Dating does involve a fair degree of emotional investment and when somebody is reckless like me, that investment is actually substantial. No doubt one could recover from it. But I don't know if I have the stomach for this ride. One day you are at the top of the world and the next moment you can taste the sand in your mouth. It would be nice if people could express their feelings upfront. But usually they save all the bile for the last minute and then it is not as much fun. So, I am reconsidering my decisions. My friends tell me that this is the least conducive moment to decide that but I think maybe it is the most propitious. Maybe now I can make a decision that otherwise would take me for ever. I am thinking strongly about going back home and marrying the next girl my parents want me to marry. We will see how that goes.

3. Honesty is not the best policy.

4. It hurts too much. I hope the balm of time starts working quickly. I wish I could take a strong laxative and purge myself of all the crap I had loaded unto myself. Sometimes I think I should call her. But I know that it is a lost cause. I think it is best to do what I have always done. Study, work and pray. I know I will climb out of the hole. Hopefully, it is sooner rather than later.