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Friday, March 17, 2006

Box of choclates

A few days ago, somebody commented that break-ups teach people more about themselves than anything else. I think that is really the case. The past few days I have been reflecting on my life (if you don't know it by now,that happens to be my favorite hobby) and I have discovered so many new things about myself. Growing up on James Bonds movies, I, like many other young guys, dreamt of being a smooth player with the ladies. I too hoped that one day I will just walk into a room and then whisper something in a pretty girl's ears and the next moment,we will be smooching and making out. It is another story that my life went in a different direction and I did become a sleuth but of a different kind.

I had heard too much about this dating game but never had actually played it until now. And I found out that I was no player. More than that, I found out, some might say to my chagrin, that I no longer want to be a player. I found out that I am a regular Joe who just wants to share his life and his dreams with a special lady. I had the honor and pleasure of spending a magical week with somebody I consider special. But when she told me that she was going to leave me, I really did not know what I was going to do. I was at my wit's end and thank God, I have good friends who helped me recover. Anyways, it dawned upon me,that after spending just ten days with a person if I can get so hurt, what were to happen if this would have been a year or a two year affair? I am really surprised now when I hear about people who break-up after four or five years of marriage. I admire their fortitude and their courage. I understand that after a while, people do get bored of each other but still I can't imagine the pain and agony. I have made up my mind that this dating game is certainly not my cup of chai. If I am going to make the effort and expend the energy of making a relationship work then it rather be my marriage than a relationship that is so frail as to break apart by the faintest gust of wind. I just don't have the emotional strength to withstand these emotional tornadoes. I just can't put together a nest for myself and then see it plundered. Nope, that is just not me.

Anyways, it was a unique experience and taught me a lot about myself.Somewhere in my heart I knew I would get over "it" even though I would never be able to get over her.

Also, some people advised me that sometimes one need not volunteer too much information about oneself, which in turn means that it is ok to lie. I was kind of mad at myself because telling the truth had made me lose her. But when sanity came back, I realized that I could not build the castle of my relationship with the mortar of falsehood. I was honest to her and if I had to pay for that such a hefty price then so be it.

As I write this post, I remember the words of Forrest Gump:"Life is a box of choclates. You never know what you will get." . The good thing is that I apologised to C and I explained my position to her and like the special lady that she is, she actually forgave me. So, we are friends again and hopefully we will know each other better to know if this could turn into something magical. I know this sounds like dating and this kind of appears contradictory to what I said above but for C, I am willing to give it a try. I hope in the next few weeks we will both know which way we are heading. If this works out (and I pray to God that it does), great. If not, then I am going to wait a month and purge myself of all emotional baggage and start my life afresh.

See, Harry is growing up. I am kind of sounding mature to myself. I know my friends would be proud of me.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please stick with Honesty is a best policy why?
Honesty is often very hard. The truth is often painful. But the freedom it can bring is worth the trying - words of Mister Rodgers.
" There isn't anyone of us who hasn't felt the loss of someone who's " way beyond our sight." From childhood on, we human beings know the pain of separtion as well as the joy of reunion There is something so comforting to realize that life goes on one way or another-even when those we love are way beyond our sight" ( words of Mister Rodgers

So you see you will move on ...
I have so many friends ( men and women) who have been in relationships and broke up. It is not easy especially when one is emotionally involved with another person. So be careful and really try to understand the person first becasue in relationships people try to find whatever happens to be the mutual rhythm in their lives ( Rodgers)
I still think your evening with C was a learning experience. Honestly that is what life is all about!
We are just here to learn, love, and live.

11:03 PM, March 17, 2006  

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