Waiting for Magic
It was a gloomy day in Houston. The sky was overcast with splashes of grey and black. After the drizzle in the morning, there was the aroma of wet earth in the air. The scent of native earth that fills my nostrils and evokes strong memories of back home. I tried to look outside the window but it was dark outside and all I could see in the window was a reflection of myself. My eyes met the eyes of my reflection and incited a million thoughts in my mind. Introspection inside out.
It is amazing how our priorities change with time. There was a time where all I wanted was to complete my education and establish a career. There was a time where all other things did not influence me. There was also a time when I was deeply immersed in spiritual pursuits. Most of my time was occupied by reflection and comprehension of the world around us. Trying to make sense of who I was. God, family, friends and career have been my priorities throughout. But now, more and more of my time is being spent in something I never thought would be so hard.
Yesterday, I received my usual quota of rejections from various matrimonial sites. Interestingly enough, some of the people were gracious enough to mention their reasons. One lady said:" Um Hun, sorry I am not that religious". Very interesting indeed. I never thought being religious would be am impediment to me being a good husband. Maybe it was another way to say that she did not want a turbaned guy. Good for her.
Some of the people have commented in the last post that perhaps it is best for me to quit my quest and let God, my Father, take control of my affairs. Well, as far as I am concerned, He was in charge every second of the way. I am not going to lie that tiny molecules of bitterness have started to deposit themselves over my psyche. It is not that I am dying to get married or something. It is just that this process has been so inefficient and so tedious that it has started to get boring and prosaic. I wish marriage was like an exam. One could study for it, work hard and had a good chance of doing well. Unfortunately, this is so random, so arbitrary and has a million different variables that are almost impossible to predict.
Anyways, as it is, I am not actively doing anything. I get a few offers from family and friends here and there which I must evaluate. Other than that, I am lying pretty low. Hopefully, the clouds will scatter away and a ray of light will shine through.
It is amazing how our priorities change with time. There was a time where all I wanted was to complete my education and establish a career. There was a time where all other things did not influence me. There was also a time when I was deeply immersed in spiritual pursuits. Most of my time was occupied by reflection and comprehension of the world around us. Trying to make sense of who I was. God, family, friends and career have been my priorities throughout. But now, more and more of my time is being spent in something I never thought would be so hard.
Yesterday, I received my usual quota of rejections from various matrimonial sites. Interestingly enough, some of the people were gracious enough to mention their reasons. One lady said:" Um Hun, sorry I am not that religious". Very interesting indeed. I never thought being religious would be am impediment to me being a good husband. Maybe it was another way to say that she did not want a turbaned guy. Good for her.
Some of the people have commented in the last post that perhaps it is best for me to quit my quest and let God, my Father, take control of my affairs. Well, as far as I am concerned, He was in charge every second of the way. I am not going to lie that tiny molecules of bitterness have started to deposit themselves over my psyche. It is not that I am dying to get married or something. It is just that this process has been so inefficient and so tedious that it has started to get boring and prosaic. I wish marriage was like an exam. One could study for it, work hard and had a good chance of doing well. Unfortunately, this is so random, so arbitrary and has a million different variables that are almost impossible to predict.
Anyways, as it is, I am not actively doing anything. I get a few offers from family and friends here and there which I must evaluate. Other than that, I am lying pretty low. Hopefully, the clouds will scatter away and a ray of light will shine through.
posted by harry singh at 9:31 PM
21 Comments:
Although poetic, maybe desperation has a scent thats repelling.
Way I see it you have become a tweener. Your going after the girls who would normally go after monay, and feel their rejection, as a rejection of your choice to be a Sikh.
Before reading your blog I had heard about, but never believed that Singhs had problems with women, rather they faught them of with sticks and begged Guru Gobind Singh to protect them from seduction.
But here it seems the opposite. A singh mad that the women are leaving him alone.
Maybe its time to re-evaluate things.
we've been saying that since day one.
go after the kaurs, dude, not the girls who happened to be born into Sikh families.
my ex girlfriends parents had a problem with the fact that i was amritdhari.
No offense, but if it where my daughter, I'd tell her to stay clear of you to.
After all, if you have such a hard time following your Guru, let alone respecting them, imagine what type of husband you would be.
------
And I agree go after the Kaurs, but for them you'll be under religious.
Guess you are stuck in between the two worlds. For the kaurs your under relgiious for the others your over.
I guess that makes the search about finding someone else who's stuck in the middle. Good Luck!
I really don't understand why you can't find someone. You seem very appealing.
Raiini
Its not enough just to keep the outer appearance or uniform of a sikh...ie turban, the outer beauty is an image of the beauty within. When you truly fall at Waheguru Ji's door... truly fall... body mind and soul...only then will you see and your search will end. To claim to be a sikh and not join Guru jis Khalsa...to me is a double standard...seriously Guru Ji is helping you at every stage...fall in love with Him and in no time at all your wishes will come true.
Akal Jee Sahai
Singhadelic said...
my ex girlfriends parents had a problem with the fact that i was amritdhari.
No offense, but if it where my daughter, I'd tell her to stay clear of you to.
After all, if you have such a hard time following your Guru, let alone respecting them, imagine what type of husband you would be.
Singhadelic Ji,
Is it written somewhere that a Amritdhari can't have a girlfriend.
You'll make it, Harry. Just hang in there. I continue to read and continue to send you sympathy and good wishes across the 'net. You're right, it's not like an exam you can study for -- getting married is much harder, much more random, and somewhat out of our control.
Also, I am glad to see more men out there who are "in the middle." I don't think fundamentalists who call themselves "religious" and keep the outer form of a Sikh but don't reflect thoughtfully on what it is to be human are truly spiritual. I also think that intolerance of people is the greatest sin. This includes people who keep their hair and call others "non-Kaurs" or "non-Singhs." (I am ABSOLUTELY a Kaur, a Sikh of the guru, and I don't keep my hair because I don't believe it's what makes a person "religious" or a "Sikh," nor do members of my family. Many Sikh historians dispute whether the 5 Ks were proposed by Guru Gobind Singh or if they are symbols a group of Sikhs made up 100 years later. That's not well-publicized, but it is a fact and is still debated in the scholarly literature about Sikhism. I resent the implication that one's outer form makes one a "Kaur" or not). Furthermore, intolerance of those who do keep their hair is equally repugnant. We as a Sikh nation need to be united, not quibbling over stupid issues like what people personally choose to do with their hair. There are much more important issues facing us as a people, particularly our unity, the state of women in Punjab and at the Akal Tahkat, female infanticide, etc. etc. I think true spirituality comes in searching, reflecting, and always keeping the Bani at the front of our minds. This split of people who keep hair and those who don't under the guise that people who keep hair are "too religious" is ridiculous. Hair and the outer "Sikhi saroop" DO NOT make someone a Sikh. Nor does taking Amrit, for that matter. What makes someone a Sikh is if they are a student (which is the literal meaning of Sikh) of the guru. This monay/sardar stuff drives me up the wall. The choice to keep hair is a cultural one, and I completely respect the choice. I married a man who made the same choice. But it does not make a person "too religious" or "not religious enough." That comes from deeper within.
Sikhism is not so much a religion as it is a way of life. Sikhism requires us to preserve the form that Waheguru Ji blessed us at birth, in His eyes we were made perfect. That includes not removing ones hair or altering ones form for the sake of vanity. Think of the blessings we have rather than justify sikhism to meet individual choices. Why try and mould sikhism to meet our selfish needs, instead why cant we mould our lives to the way of the Guru?
All of a sudden those who listen to Guru Gobind Singh are a funadmentalists.
Gosh, I better turn my back on my Guru ASAP dont want to be known as a fundy.
How can one be a diciple of one whom they only admire from afar?
What differs from a muslim calling himself a Sikh? Neither of which follows the teachings of the Guru, but still agree on some "key core values".
Finally, I see this blog getting very interesting. We are going to see like 80 comments for this entry.
Come on dear brothers and sistes- prove that I am right.
I just love heated discussion!
puneet, i can't agree with your statements. Guru Gobind Singh Ji has clearly said Bina Tegh Kesh(ang), deyo na deedarai... dont come to me without your hair intact and your kirpan. Also guru ji talks about the importance of rehit, and how they love rehit more than the sikh.
its easy to say Sikhi is on the inside, but than why did Bhai Taru Singh get scalped alive instead of have their hair cut? What about recent examples like Sant Kartar Singh who refused medical treatment where there hair would be removed. By saying hair is not important you are cheapening the sacrifices of great gursikhs.
Please read up on Guru Gobind Singh Ji and their hukams.
Waheguru
In reference to Puneet2 and Utpreka Singh:
First of all Puneet, I asked you an email address and you have not sent yet. Is this Sikh britherhood or larger family where people are scared of each other?
Coming to my point: You both are wrong: Guru ji asked us not to de-secrate kesh, the exact words in guru ji's hand written hukamnama is "guru ka sikh keshan di be-adbee na karai".
I can discuss further details through emails because in this kind of communication where everyone is blowing their trumpet, the topic gets lost half-way and there is no chance to complete the discussion after the new posting is posted by the bloger.
sumeet999@hotmail.com
Harry i really dont get it man .. this shouldnt be THAT big a problem - have you tried in India? Indian newspaper Matrimonials ? Is it that you are just trying to get a AB sikh wife ?
Anged, Anged Anged,
Even if it was written you wouldn't beleive it, or let alone follow it, you'd just pull the, "its not translated properly" card, even if it 15 different pothis would agree on the translation, you would in some greater wisdom disagree, so bringing out tukhs with you is really pointless.
As far as Mcleod I really think your confused considering no one mentioned Mcleod anywhere here.
But since you felt like tuting that horn, what about translations by Piara Singh Padam, would those work for you? Off course not, they wheren't near as good as you in translations. I got a better idea what if I just provide you with the actual rehit nama then you can do us all the blessing and translate it for us next time??
Anyways sorry to get off topic. Also the tukh provided by Otpreka seemed accurate to me, I have various Raagi's doing kirtan of it.
Annonymous,
Eh Ha Mor Ageyaa, Suno eh pyaarai, Bina Tegh Keshang, Deyo Na Deedarai...
thats how it goes, i believe you are speaking about anohter hukam.
Atam Raas Keertan Bhai Sabhu Singh does this shabad all the time.
Waheguru.
*Bhai Sadhu Singh
To Utpreka Singh,
1.What is the source of your Tuk?
2.In which bani or granth is it mentioned?
3. Was the Tuk mentioned in the context of amrit ceremony?
4. To whom was it addressed--amrit dharis or all sikhs?
Whatever the source, lets assume that the tuk is authentic. Even if it is an authentic source, that does not make kirpan/shaster in the category of a "Bajjar Kurehat".
If a person abandons 5K's, his amrit is not broken. Panj Payare will not give them amrit again because his amrit is still intact.
However, if any of 4 "bajjar kurehats" are commited, a person has to take amrit again. One such bajjar kurehar is "guru ka sikh keshan di be-adbee na karai"
Other than 4 "bajjar kerehats", all sins do not break amrit. But that does not mean a person is allowed to commit other sins. The difference between "bajjar kerehats" and other kurehats is that other kurehats do not break amrit, whereas "bajjar kurehats" break the amrit (this has an effect of excommunication of individual from the order of Khalsa Panth UNTILL he takes amrit again with panj payare's permission).
In summary, there is a hierarchy of kurehats. Four bajjar kurehats are at the apex of this hierarchy. People who add other kurehats to the four are preaching their own religion, not guru ji's religion.
The reason why guru ji only kept 4 bajjar kurehats for amrit dharis is that guru ji wanted sikhs to have freedom of action and individuality, while at the same time practicing some minimum uniform codes for the sake of group identity.
People who add 40 kurehts to 4 bajjar kurehats are destroying the basic doctrine of sikh religion: freedom from unneccessary , empty rituals which guru Nanak abandoned when he refused to wear "janau" etc etc.
Theft, lying, cheating, murder, assault and various other sins are condemned in gurbani, but none of these sins excommunicates an individual. Only 4 "bajjar Kurehats" ex comunicates a sikh from khalsa order untill he/SHE takes amrit again.
Similarly, Liquor is condemned in gurbani, but its consumption will not excommunicate a sikh. In guru ji's 4 bajjar kurehat hukam-nama, the word "tamakhu" is mentioned : "guru ka sikh tamakhu na pevai". But people have added liquor, and other intoxicants in the list of "bajjar kurehats" on the assumption that guru ji implied other intoxicants also when he mentioned "tamakhu" becasue other intoxicants are mentioned in gurbani and guru granth sahib, for instance, "Kabir bhang machuli sura pan" (SGGS).
To tell you the truth, all amrit dharis drink alcohal, and none of the amrit dharis can escape drinking alcohal. Here is the evidence: Look at the label of medicines that contain alcohal (hint: cough syrup, pain killer drugs, anasthesia drugs)
Again it is true that gurbani condemns these intoxicants, but these intoxicants are not prohibited at the same level as "tamakhu".
You are wrong if you assert that kirpan and kesh stand at the same level of prohibition. The idea is that when you interprete a gurbani tuk, you have to interprete it in such a way that it does not violate basic doctrines of sikh philosophy. Also remember that you have to interprete gurbani with the firm assumption that there is no contradiction in gurbani and guru ji's hukamnamas as shown by the above analysis.
I would like to dwell on what "Keshan di be-adbee" means in the hukamnama, but the time and space does not allow me. In short, both of you--Puneet and Utpreka-- are wrong in your statements.
“adultrey is a khuret and i totally understand and agree with that..having a girlfriend does not mean one has to be intimate with her..gosh there is more to a boy friend girlfirend realtion than intimacy dude..”
Angad Ji,
Very good response to Singhadelic Ji’s concern.
I would like to go little further beyond this response.
Adultery is not similar to pre-marital sex.
There is big difference between being intimate with your girlfriend/boyfriend and committing adultery.
“adultrey is a khuret and i totally understand and agree with that..having a girlfriend does not mean one has to be intimate with her..gosh there is more to a boy friend girlfirend realtion than intimacy dude..”
Angad Ji,
Very good response to Singhadelic Ji’s concern.
I would like to go little further beyond this response.
Adultery is not similar to pre-marital sex.
There is big difference between being intimate with your girlfriend/boyfriend and committing adultery.
Anged, Anged Anged,
your first posts never raised any concerns rather just comments, NO questions, hence nothing to be answered or replied to.
(Also it be easier if you put all your posts together, vs multiple ones back to back)
Anyways I could jabber on with you, but your own post contradicts with your own reply. But you have clearly identified what constitutes as a proper translation, so, if I where to provide tukhs with the translation method you provided, (taking the whole Shabad and using Rahaoo into consideration) would these tukhs then be allowed into debate? (Yes or no).
Anyways lets both agree to drop that, after all its neither here nor there.
Now for the other comments/topics raised, (Raag, etc), I fully support Raag and am a big fan of Raag, and for this reason only prefer Kirtan done in Raag, (as to why you brought this up in debate , I can only assume it was to try and generalize me).
Anyways keeping with the theme of this actual blog, you mention that one can date someone yet not have to get intimate. My question to you (anyone else who feels the same way as Anged Bhai) then is, whats the difference between a friend and a girl/boy friend, if not the level of intimacy invovled? After all what are things that you can't do with a friend or best friend that you can do with a boy friend girl friend?
hi
the choice of your words are remarkable. i dont knoe you from adam but one thing i would like to say is that how can u spend the rest of ur s=life with someone who you went looking for. what i mean is that when things are supposed to happen, they will happen.
Maybe the girl you meet on the matrimonial sight is not really the one for you.
Spend the rest of your life with someone who likes/lovs u for who are irrespective of the fact that you have a turban or not
Just think about what i have said and give things some time to fall into place
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