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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Spare me the wrath

Boy, did I get myself into trouble or what? It seems like I have touched some people's Achilles heel. Ladies, give me a break. I had said from the outset that I am no expert on these matters. I expressed my opinion on some very pertinent questions based on information gathered through personal experience as well as conversations with friends. It is indeed sad how the counter-arguments have utilized personal attacks to make a point while they could have easily done without those. Just because I have the guts to say my mind aloud does not mean that I am a fat (non-atheltic), inconfident looser who can't get a date. I don't think personal slandering like that will serve anyone's purpose. That should not blind us to the fact of the day that the Sikh swaroop is loosing its acceptance among young Sikh women.

First of all, let me get one thing out of the way because it has been grating against my soul. I do not wear a turban to please or displease others. I do not care if my thoughts on issues I feel strongly about turns anybody off or on. I have strong beliefs in my religion and in God. I have profound respect for my culture and my decision to wear the Sikhi swaroop springs from that. If I had an iota of discomfort with that, I would have changed it a long time ago. We can pretend to shut eyes and believe that there is not a persistent erosion of Sikh values among the newer generation. Log into any matrimonial site and make the effort to read the last line of most profiles:"I want a clean shaven man". Those words may mean nothing to a lot of you but to somebody like me who cares about his relegion and his culture, those are harbingers of doom.Look at Sikh men around you where an increasing number of them have trimmed beards and perhaps trimmed souls. I agree that there are a lot of Sikh women out there who would love to marry a full Sardar but unfortunately, their number is ebbing. "Finding a Wife" is not a looser's tale of finding a suitable girl; it is my effort to bring to fore the strong cultural metamorphosis that we as a people are undergoing. I am pretty sure I will find a nice wife. God has been extremely merciful to me and I know He will take care of me. But this is not just about me. My experiences have unraveled to me the "trials and tribulations" of young Sikh men who feel being the object of rejection because of their attire. Most are too shy or too lazy to let out their feelings. But not me. People have called me nuts because I am letting my personal life being exposed to the scrutiny of the cruel world where people are quick to sling mud, but that is ok. I feel that this should be a matter of debate and I am happy that at least people are talking about it.

For every example that you give me of a smart Sikh guy with a lot of women, I can quote a hundred examples of Sikh women who are dating non-Sikh guys because they think it is uncool to date a Sardar. It is indeed unfortunate that most of the commenters have even failed to acknowledge that truth. Maybe I live on Mars, maybe I am not as bright as others but if I can see beyond the hypocrisy, anybody can. I had mentioned a lot of things under my post:" Judge us Not". I do not wish to repeat myself but generally speaking, if I whine and if I complain, why do people assume that something is wrong with me? I write this blog not for kicks or because I am an idle no good person but because I am hurt by what is going around me and becasue I care. I could have said those things in a matter-of-fact prosaic fashion but I chose to say them colored with crimson humor. Maybe they need to take a closer look around themselves and then start judging me.

Last thing, I can't believe people have issue against my going to a club. But, I should not be surprised. We live in a cynical world(myself included) where color comes in black or white. Where hypocrisy trounces honesty. I think it is high time when people start leaving their holier than thou attitudes and finally start talking about serious issues. I do not think it is appropriate for me to defend my club going or what I did there. I shall leave that to people's obviously fertile imagination.

I am sorry if I seem to have a slightly confrontational attitude. The price of honesty is that people get offended. It has engendered a few very interesting comments and I consider them valuable even though I wish they were less personally directed and had more logic to them.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you know what I find most attractive in a person?
Think about it.

4:09 PM, February 01, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the biggest stumbling block for harry (harjit? :| ) seems to be online matrimonial ads where women ask for a cultural "sikh."

well, guess what harry, online matrimonials aren't where GurSikhs of even Sikhs hang out. Your strongest lead was through family and friends, and that's probably the way you'll find someone, not online.

but I back up all my anonymous bhainjian who are simply stating how they feel. You come off as Sikh who feels obligated to keep his saroop rather than it being a manifestation of love. No amount of claims otherwise will change that perception---it's just the nature of your blog.

5:48 PM, February 01, 2006  
Anonymous Singh Brite said...

you have to realize, the women who post on here telling you to be more confident, blah blah, are just doing it to sound superior in their own Sikhi.

and i think some of these women just sorta don't "get" your blog. They don't see that it's not a whine blog, it's humour and poetry mixed with raw emotion.

ladies, get off your high horses and appreciate the blog for what it is.

6:09 PM, February 01, 2006  
Blogger Harry Singh said...

Right on, Brother. Thanks for the support

6:53 PM, February 01, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I’m the original anonymous kaur poster and I’m sorry you took my comments as a personal attack. But, your reflections on your journey to find a wife do hold a significant amount of judgment against Sikh women and as a Sikh woman, I have to counter the arguments you put forth that in my mind do not reflect a Sikh woman’s perspective.

So perhaps you will have to deal with the “wrath.” There is a “disable comments” option if you can’t handle it.

I can understand your concern about the erosion of Sikh values in the Sikh populace. However, this isn’t a one sided affair and it isn’t a fair situation to simply blame the Sikh women. Have you seen the selection of men on the Sikh matrimonials websites? Very few turbans. Very few full beards. Very few who don’t drink. Very few who don’t hold on tightly to their caste affiliations. The problems you are facing in your quest to find a Sikh spouse are not because Sikhi isn’t strong among Sikh women but because those who assign themselves the Sikh identity don’t hold true to Sikh values, as a population. This erosion you speak about is happening amongst Sikh women AND Sikh men.

Bravo to you for putting out your feelings on this issue, but it is irresponsible to vilify Sikh women in the process. Obviously, as women, we face enough denigration. Women also are not the sole carriers of culture and tradition, so perhaps as you reflect on the rarity of finding a possible candidate, you could consider a more contextualized view.

Good luck to you on your quest and I’m sure you’ll find someone, with the Guru’s grace.

Over and out dude.


and singh brite, thanks, that *really* helped to further the discussion.

7:08 PM, February 01, 2006  
Blogger grey said...

For once everybody's making sense. We need to understand that this isn't a black or white situation.

If right were really right it would differ so clearly from not right that there would be no need for argument.

What Harry says is right - he's got a point - "Sikh swaroop is loosing its acceptance among young Sikh women".

But then WHAT ?

This blog or even a political campaign can't change that.
You can have all the people read this blog - agree with what you are saying. Maybe they will all sign in a comment tomorrow saying -"harry we agree with what you are saying". But that wont change anything.

So now let us PRETEND to listen to what the people are saying in the comments - i know its damn difficult - you get distracted by the personal attack and the talk about how girls also face disrimination and how you shouldnt go to the club(ridiculous!) and blah blah ... blah blah . But take the core.

"If you got the charms, it won't matter what you look like"

Thats the best way to look at it isnt it?

8:00 PM, February 01, 2006  
Blogger Lilly said...

Word up grey. Just as a sidenote, I don't think I'm a fan of this anonymous posting.. the anonymous posters speak very boldly and definitively, so I can't see why they wouldn't back their statements with an identity. No offense to any of you, keep doing your thing. I just think it's a cowardly approach to voicing your opinion.

12:12 AM, February 02, 2006  
Anonymous sabh aasaa manasaa visaree said...

Hi Harry, I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and I have to say I relate to some things you say. I’m an Amritdhari female with facial hair and I have been through some similar experiences that you have talked about just because I don’t ‘look’ like what people generally think a woman should look like. Just take a moment and think how hard it is for you, and then think of someone like me, (I’m not looking for people to feel sorry for me or anything :p). I have been through a phase where I felt sorry for myself for a long time for various reasons like people not understanding why I look like this, people not understanding why I don’t change to fit in and most funnily (for me now) a lot of Sikhs being the people who give me the most grief. I have also ‘protected’ myself from the world where I didn’t want to expose myself unnecessarily where I could be hurt (it’s a long story which I won’t go into).

At the end of the day people can do and say whatever they want, it won’t shake my faith. Like you, I am who I am because it’s my choice and I don’t expect anyone to accept me. My parent’s worry about me getting married, as they know it’s a hard world and we all know its not going to be easy to find someone who will accept and marry me for who I am, but I don’t care no more because if I’m to get married it’ll happen and if not then still its all Kirpa.

I understand your reasons for starting this blog and I hope you continue to share your experiences, I do think its easy to see what you say as ‘whining’ but unless one has experienced what you talk about (in any context); what you say may be misunderstood.

Take care & God Bless.

3:42 AM, February 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


You remind me of me...... in the past. As a youngster I used to be quite inconfident...shy...tended to hang around corners mostly hunched.

But over time it has changed. University, Job...etc has brought on confidence. It is confidence that cannot be shaken nor can it be hidden. It comes out through my pores like a waterfall. When I walk into a room people generally turn around at look at me (No I'm not concetied !!, its the TRUTH ).

Why is that ? I'm not a tall, dark and Handsome. But my heart and soul are large, honest and strong and most of all I'm confident.

I've read your other posts and the comments made. Time and Time again the women have told you Confidence...Confidence.. They do not lie. Confidence is the biggest turn on for women. Once you turn this on it won't matter if you have a beard or a strange scar on your left testicle.

Women want someone dominant and strong not physically but rather in personality and the best way to bring this out is through confidence.

Walk Tall !!

Mysterious Man

6:11 AM, February 02, 2006  
Anonymous Coward Singh said...

There has been far too much hateration on someone who is simply posting from his own world viewpoint - give the brother a break.

Harry, I have to say I've really enjoyed your stories - you're a talented writer, keep them coming.
You have to understand that people will interpret what you write according to their own reality. So there is no need to defend yourself the whole time. Get back to what you do best.

-anonymous 1
Please elaborate - far too much information for one person alone to mentally digest

-anonymous 2

Very few who don’t hold on tightly to their caste affiliations
Surely you meant the opposite?

Is this better?

-sabh aasaa manasaa visaree
Good things come to those who wait :)

10:42 AM, February 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is Anonymous 1

I meant a person with good sense of humor and good heart. Also a person should be courageous, kind, and honest. If you have all this you will have confidence.
Very often we don't have good impression of a person at first meeting. However, when you come to know a person you may change your mind.
For some reason I think (I think that does mean it is true) Harry Veer believes in love at first sight. You have to know people and trust people before you can even like them. May be you want to meet someone and know them before you even think seriously about marriage.

5:49 PM, February 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

have you seen

besides being a wasteland of kurdian who cut their hair and drink, the site's profits to go support the former yogi's empire of hippie-indo-sikhism.


6:01 PM, February 02, 2006  
Blogger ss said...

Anon (comment 1) said:

" Do you know what I find most attractive in a person?
Personality. Think about it."

Sure - who doesn't. But to whom is this comment directed? Harry Singh?

As I for one (admittedly subjective and based on no more than a read of his blog) think he most definitely has a personality.

2:39 AM, February 08, 2006  

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