Blue or Pink?

Before I go on to finish my story from 2 posts ago, a loud shout out to Puneet2. Thank you for your encouraging words. They go a long way in easing the pain. I am relieved that finally, somebody understands. Your hubby is a very lucky man. By the way, if you do actually know any of the women that you describe, please do not hesitate to direct them my way. I am probably the one they have been waiting for.

Anyways, to finish the story, the gentle brother brought back his sister as he had promised. As I was busy paying my respects to the uncle jees and aunti jees by the conventional "pairi pana"(which by the way has degenerated into a hasty half hearted "goda farna(= knee catching)" action), I lifted my eyes to see the veerji walking towards me with the sister at his side. And then in that instant, I felt the sting of a big honey bee on my heart. Tough luck, boy-I told myself. As you might have guessed it, it was the lady in pink, with a nervous smile, on her face walking towards me. As a red blooded punjabi, I would not let myself be deterred by initial defeat. I put on an air of inflated yet hollow confidence, wrung my moustaches into a slim handsome arc, palpated the wrinkles out of my maroon turban and got ready for the moment. As I did that, I felt the third eye of my heart ransacking the room searchig for that speck of blue which seemed so attainable and yet so impossible. Settle down, kid, I found myself telling my ticker.

The duo walked towards us. The brother introduced her sister to me. I extended my hands in a gracious handshake. She responded by folding her hands in a quiet SSA and then took pity on my half extended half embarresed hand and reciprocated the gesture. "Hello",I said," Nice to meet you". The words that came out of her mouth were in a sweet dulcous voice. I was impressed. As I was fumbling for words for the next sentence, I took the whole view into account. Within her, I tried to find the one I was looking for. A wife, a friend and a soul mate.

We then exchanged a few more pleasantries. H1 did the smart move and asked the brother to leave us alone for a few minutes. The ball was now in our court. I think over the past few years, I have become a good conversationalist. I can come up with interesting stuff to talk about. I put all of my newly acquired skills to work and sucessfully established a meaningful conversation. We exchanged tid bits about our demographics, our work and our hobbies. As we kept on talking, my mind was engaged in a frenzy of parallel-processing trying to acquire information from subtle non-verbal cues: her body language, her outfit, etc , forming opinions and making a decision. She asked me a few childish questions which were kind of a turn-off. Her words were occasionally punctuated by a shallow gigle which I could see in distinct contrast with a naughty lady like smile that I have grown to love. At the end of the five minutes, it was clear to me that the light at the end of my tunnel was nowhere in sight. I did not see any sparks that I have been so desperate to ignite. I know she felt it too. But subject to civil norms that we are, the smile never left our faces. We parted with lifeless goodbyes and nods of our heads to join H1 and veerji.
Later on, I met her parents who seemed genuinely pleased to meet. They seemed like very nice people and I could sense the eagerness in their eyes. I stole a few glances at the diva in blue who turned out to be a cousin ,visiting from out of town. I tried very hard at exchaging some messages through my eyes but alas, no sucess. She seemed pretty, aloof and seated on a pedestal too high for me. My heart left out a few howls full of yearning, howls that got lost in the wilderness. After a few customary "chai peeke jana, roti kha ke jana", we found ourselves back in the car driving towards our den. H1 already knew my answer and it was his sad duty to convey that to the family which he did artfully and sincerely. I almost wished that he would ask them to consider me for the "blue" but I knew he could not and so I never asked. However, he did agree with me that "blue" would have been more suitable.

I know you are wondering how did I decide that "pink" was not going to be the color of my life. I thought long and hard about it too. The fact is that within the premise of arranged marriage, such decisions are made on imperfect and incomplete data. A lot of it is based on looks and resume though I do think smaller things like personality matter a lot. Some of the things that I considered in making the decision cannot be revealed here for reasons of respecting privacy and dignity of certain individuals. It is indeed sad, that while I bitch and moan about other people judging me and others, I found myself guilty of indulging in the same dubious process. I try and I try really hard and hopefully will be a saner person.

Needless to say,the woods remain lonely, dark and deep. But I have my loneliness to keep me warm and cozy for the journey that, seems like, will go on for a while.