Judge us not

I thank one of my readers for pointing out a blog of what seems to be a young Sikh girl who is "annoyed" by young Sikh guys lacking "self-confidence". It is always interesting to hear the other side. I myself hate to be a part of a group of "cry babies". But the truth is that it is easy to comment and to criticize. Even easier is to judge people. It is hard, however, to put oneself in the shoes of those we judge.

It is hard to imagine oneself to stand out among the crowd and thanks to some recent events, do so in a negative manner. It is hard to develop a thick skin to withstand the "slings and arrows" of those around you. And it is not always verbal darts that are slung but it is the penetrating eyes that scan your innards at work, at the Mall and at clubs. And let us not forget that while there might be a small minority of Sikh women who are amenable to "dating" a full Sikh, majority of them would rather not. It is hard to understand all this unless you yourself have been subjected to this.

Is this in our minds? Have people like me become paranoid to the degree of insanity? Why can't people take a look around themselves, in their homes and in their places of worship? I am sure there are plenty of instances there who would support my claim.

Is this truly important? I mean we are only talking about a few desperate young guys who can't find girls. I wish it were this simple. These situations point out the rapid metamorphosis that the Sikh society is undergoing where younger generations are increasingly shunning and relegating the "full Sardar" into obsolence. If young Sikh guys lack confidence , there are tangible forces eroding that confidence. Let me illustrate my point. My own cousin who considers herself a young successful professional in Delhi, took a pledge along with a group of her other Sikh friends that they would not marry a Surdie. Her own father almost proudly informed the family of her decision when she ended up marrying a non-Sikh. Truly, if she would have fallen in love with any person and decided to marry him, I would have shown her a thumbs-up. I would not have (and still don't) care about what relegion or what ethnicity he belonged to. However, to systematically rule out a full Sardar as a life partner in such an ignoble manner boils my blood. To say that she will not marry a guy who has decided to follow the path that God has chosen for him?- is this not sacrilege.

How is a Sikh youth supposed to react to such pledges? Some of us like me will become angry and vent their anger in diverse but mostly ineffectual manner. Others would direct their anger inwardly which would result in a confidence that looks like Swiss cheese. But can you blame them? Can you blame them if people they are supposed to call their own would rather ignore and ridicule them? Is it not surprising that we criticize non-Sikhs who crack Sardar jokes but are completely ok when a "modern" Sikh girl rejects a guy because he proudly donns the appearance of his relegion?

Can you look me in the eye and tell me that all is pink and rosy? Can you tell me that I suffer from a lack of confidence? Maybe you can but I think you will be sadly mistaken.. So, please don't tell us we have no balls. We can live with "mistaken identities" by others but it is hard to put up with "mistaken priorties" of our own.

Anyways, this is not a personal thing. The lady does indeed have a valid point and I apologise for our percieved impotence. I am sure others will joining me in saying that that is certainly not the case.

I realize that I am indeed turning into a whiner while there are so many potential wives waiting for me out there. I have some new leads and will post those here. This post was sort of a knee-jerk reaction to the accusation that we have "no balls". No man could ever take that lying down.