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Friday, January 13, 2006

Time for Reflection

While it is easy to dismiss my thoughts as shallow, I still think that my feelings are shared by a lot of other Sikh brethren. With each passing day, I see a thin sediment deposit itself over my dreams, dreams which run the risk of being fossilized if I don't act now. I do not want to be a helpless observer. It is true that I could probably devote the time I spend on this blog on other productive things( and believe me, I have plenty of avenues), I choose not to. I am sure that the situations I have encountered have been endured by countless other Sikh youth and hence warrant documentation and analysis. I do not wish to appear melodramtic but trust me on this.

It does not hurt me when a random Red Neck walks up to me and says Saalam-a- Laikum with a snigger. It also does not hurt me when some delirious lady asks me: "Do you kill people?' .No, I can put up with that. What really hurts me is when I am scanning profiles of young Sikh women and I come across the words "looking for a clean shaven man", "only clean shaven JSM respond" blah blah blah. I have asked myself several times:"Why do I care?". I mean why should I care. Other people have as much a right to be so specific about their partners as I do. But the truth is that it bothers me. It bothers me when guys like me are being prejudged on the basis of their principles and their beliefs. It wrenches my soul because as a young man, it matters to me what women think about me and because I do not wish to be subject to a rejection that I don't deserve. It is ok to me if a woman was to reject me because of my personal attributes. But to be discriminated as a group hurts me.

Some people would argue that following the path of Sikhi is a tough job and one must be prepared to face such stuff. As a Sikh, one must value one's faith as above other things. Of course,I do and I am resolved to follow the ardous path I have chosen. But, I shall not allow the hypocrisy of other people to shut me to silence. Just beacuse I am supposed to be the good guy, I shall not suffer discrimination. If I am going down, I am going down with a lot of noise.

The sad part is that this is just not my story. I personally know many friends who have faced similar situations and had their self-esteems blasted because of crap like this. I especially abhor people who preach certain things and are totally comfortable with their kids choosing partners who are "in sync with modern times". It is probably easier to shut up and put up but I don't think that is cool with me.

Anyways, I am thankful to people who think this blog is funny. The truth is that when you squeeze my broken heart, out flows the crimson juice of prose colored with humor. I shall continue to describe my search for a life partner and detail the trials/tribulations as well as the joys of this ride. Bear with me......

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

if your search for finding a wife is so desperate that is not good. you should be this desperate for nectar of naam.

8:44 AM, January 15, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So who was it, pink or blue?

2:26 PM, January 15, 2006  
Anonymous Puneet 2 said...

Hi Harry,

(Please note- I am not the same Puneet Kaur who posted previously, I am a different one but with the same name. I guess I can be Puneet 2). I have been following your blog for the last three weeks and now would like to say something in response. I would like to tell you that I understand your pain, and that there are many Sikh women out there who would love to be with a sardar. The problem is that these women are hard to find and I know they don't post on Sikhnet that often. In my own case, I can tell you a bit about my story. My husband of the last two weeks (yes, we just got married and are delighted to be together) is a sardar. He posted an ad on Sikhnet, and that is how I found him. (Have you posted your own ad? You may find more women approaching you that way, as many women are apprehensive about posting their own ads). Soon after I met him, he told me a similar story as yours. He said all the women's ads on Sikhnet ask for someone clean shaven, and I was the first woman who wrote to him. I can tell you that in my own case, I was not looking for either cleanshaven or sardar, I was looking for a thoughtful Sikh who I knew would be able to share my spiritual journey with me. And I also know that there are many other women like me. In fact, several of my female friends have been looking for a couple of years and have not yet found a Sikh partner. These are women who are open to meeting a sardar, but have not yet found someone compatible. These women also have had serious pain and doubt, and I did too, before I met my husband. I felt like most Punjabi/Sikh men at my university were looking for white girls to date, and at the time, they certainly were. None of them wanted to be with a Punjabi woman because we were too hairy, too Indian, too simple, too brainy, not sexy enough, etc. etc. I just want you to know that you are definitely not alone. In fact, many Punjabi Sikh women suffer through anxiety, self-doubt, and often feel no Punjabi Sikh men want to be with them!! I guess what I am saying is that the process you are going through is somewhat normal, as many of us (male, female, sardar, not sardar) have had to face these difficulties. I wish you the best of luck in finding a wife with an equally sensitive nature, good heart, and funny sense of humor as you. I would also give one final piece of advice. One friend once told me, "let us try to become the people we want to date." What she meant was, rather than worrying about not finding partners, we should focus on making ourselves stronger people, better Sikhs, etc. And when you do become more confident, and stronger yourself as a person, your ideal partner may appear right under your nose--when you're ready, Waheguru sends the right person your way. Good luck again, and keep writing-- I'll be checking the blog regularly and am enjoying it.

9:03 AM, January 18, 2006  

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